This is how the text conversation went:
Her (H): UR A BIG LIAR
Me (M): Excuse me?
H: I know *insert daughter's name* s der.
M: She isn't.
H: Really? We wil see.
M: I can't change you of your beliefs. But don't accuse people they are liars. It simply isn't done. And its rather rude. I'm sorry if I am sounding a little off my manners here but you, texting me, quite early at that, and telling me I'm a liar is wrong.
H: I know u mean well letting her stay wit u. But pls b honest f she's der or not. Bcuz f not, her boyfriend s lying wid us 2. Pls don't let *name* manipulate us all. Wer just concernd. Tnx.
M: I'm sorry. I'd rather not tarnish what little left of my dignity and reputation. In that note, I'll stoptexting too, like I stopped texting/taking *name*'s calls.
~~~~~texts stops for minutes~~~~~~
H: So, pls tel me wats d name f ur friend where *name* stayd? I need 2 know.
H: Give me ur frend's name or else we will c 2 it dat *name* will stay wid u.
M: Please. Just stop. You don't even have your facts right. I'm not judging you. But, first you accuse me of a liar. Now you are saying its not my house but my friend's. See, where is the logic in this argument?
Please don't threaten me like this. I highly respect you. But shouldn't you be talking to your daughter instead of harassing me with your slanders.
H: I know she contacted u & I have gatherd dat she's mentioning ur name 2 dos am talking 2. Sori, but am so angry right now!
****This is posted for transparency. I don't get how just cause the boyfriend called the parents immediately I am the liar. And secondly, I've known this girl for half a decade now, this is the first time it happened, also she happens to be dating that guy, so why couldn't they figure the guy as the liar? Thirdly, why don't they ask the girl? She told me she was texting her dad. Was she lying to me too?
Trust is the most valuable commodity in the society. I won't ruin trust just to protect people. I am raised with values.
Not sure what I feel.
xxx,
K <3
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Sunday, 18 November 2012
Thursday, 8 November 2012
Regarding Kleenex and Pregnancy
Dear Kleenex,
Know that no matter what you choose to do with this situation, I am here supporting you and I won't judge you. It'd be cool if this was just a false alarm, but if it isn't, I'd like you to remember that your body is yours and that whatever you do with it is your business and not anybody else's. Choose what you think you can handle. Can you handle being a mother now, or can you handle the possible outcomes of an abortion? Also, with the Philippines being a fundamentalist Catholic country, you'd have to look for an abortionist very discreetly. I'll be willing to help you find one if you must do it. I am your friend. All I want for you is to be safe and that you make the decision carefully in the end. I really hope this is just a pregnancy scare as I wouldn't want you to have to go through all this. I love you, and I'm here to support you. Never forget that.
Love,
Chihiro
Know that no matter what you choose to do with this situation, I am here supporting you and I won't judge you. It'd be cool if this was just a false alarm, but if it isn't, I'd like you to remember that your body is yours and that whatever you do with it is your business and not anybody else's. Choose what you think you can handle. Can you handle being a mother now, or can you handle the possible outcomes of an abortion? Also, with the Philippines being a fundamentalist Catholic country, you'd have to look for an abortionist very discreetly. I'll be willing to help you find one if you must do it. I am your friend. All I want for you is to be safe and that you make the decision carefully in the end. I really hope this is just a pregnancy scare as I wouldn't want you to have to go through all this. I love you, and I'm here to support you. Never forget that.
Love,
Chihiro
Friday, 7 September 2012
In the next future
Hi guys,
I can almost feel the end of college. (Three cheers!) Its these kind of cramming moments where you wake up at wee hours to finish your required work that I will miss. I will keep this short because I have a class in an hour or so and I still haven't done any of my preparations (like change my school books from yesterday's class to today's lecture handouts.)
In the event of that very near future let's all go out and travel. (And by we I do mean us three!) Why? Because we've never done it. And because its a start of a new adventure and I propose we do it with heaps of swag.
I happened to chance upon this photo will checking one of my friends blog's. (I don't think the photo is hers, I think its one of her friends' photo.) We can start with this since its considerably near, just a few hours ride. :) It would just be like going out to party in the city except overseas. :)
It would be wonderful if we all did something spectacular soon! :)
I should drag my ass to school now. :) Love you heaps!
xxx,
K <3
I can almost feel the end of college. (Three cheers!) Its these kind of cramming moments where you wake up at wee hours to finish your required work that I will miss. I will keep this short because I have a class in an hour or so and I still haven't done any of my preparations (like change my school books from yesterday's class to today's lecture handouts.)
In the event of that very near future let's all go out and travel. (And by we I do mean us three!) Why? Because we've never done it. And because its a start of a new adventure and I propose we do it with heaps of swag.
I happened to chance upon this photo will checking one of my friends blog's. (I don't think the photo is hers, I think its one of her friends' photo.) We can start with this since its considerably near, just a few hours ride. :) It would just be like going out to party in the city except overseas. :)
 |
| yes! those are candies growing from a tree, and they look so adorable! |
I should drag my ass to school now. :) Love you heaps!
xxx,
K <3
Saturday, 11 August 2012
Why I'd love to be a waterbender.
Y'know, I'm supposed to be too tired for this, but fuck it I'm going to post anyway. Today I had to go to the city to check on the flat and then go skating with Haku. It was a very spontaneous plan so we only got to skate at around 6pm, and it had to be cut short at 8pm because of a hockey game. Because I'm a derp and I had completely forgotten to bring towels for my skates, I ended up having to buy soakers for the love of my skates' blades. So yeah, behold my ancient skates and its brand-new soakers.
The mall time we had was actually really nice. We grabbed a snack at Chewy Junior (which I highly recommend if you're as into bread as I am) and then hung out at Fully Booked. We both didn't get anything due to financial restraints, but it was fun to browse through the books and leaf through the ones that had us getting sort of nostalgic about our childhoods.
We eventually had to leave at almost 10pm. Due to the heavy rain and the difficulty of commuting around Manila, we had to shell out cash in order to arrive safely at Taft. I had to pay the cabbie Php150 (around $3) when typically I'd only have to pay Php100 (around $2). It's just a small amount, I know, but the cost of living is rather expensive in Manila and so Php50 can actually get you a cheap yet proper meal. Oh, well. I was too tired to fight the cabbie, so I hope guilt eats him up someday.
Upon arriving at Taft, Haku and I decided to just wait the rain out at a 7-11. We soon met up with Prince of Persia so that Haku can have a place to stay until the rain subsides. Turns out it was completely flooded everywhere, so it was a good thing I had changed into my wellies before Prince of Persia arrived. For the first time, my boots were finally used in a flood situation.
Once we all were finally outside Prince of Persia's flat, I decided to head to McDonald's so that it will be easier for our driver to pick me up. On my way there, I had to wade through ridiculous floods. Since it wasn't raining anymore, I decided to take pictures of the floods. The not-so-funny thing about this is that it wasn't even raining for hours; it only started raining (albeit heavily, though) at around 9:30pm and by 11:30pm Taft Avenue has been turned into the Taft Sea. Only in the Philippines, yeah?
Ah, what an adventure! I will now try to sleep and dream of a Manila with good infrastructure, responsible citizens and a benevolent government. Bonne nuit! x
Completely exhausted with muscle pains but happy <3,
Chihiro
 |
| For the record, I am not an animal print fan, but this was the only design available. Someday I hope to buy a completely trippy-looking soaker. |
We eventually had to leave at almost 10pm. Due to the heavy rain and the difficulty of commuting around Manila, we had to shell out cash in order to arrive safely at Taft. I had to pay the cabbie Php150 (around $3) when typically I'd only have to pay Php100 (around $2). It's just a small amount, I know, but the cost of living is rather expensive in Manila and so Php50 can actually get you a cheap yet proper meal. Oh, well. I was too tired to fight the cabbie, so I hope guilt eats him up someday.
Upon arriving at Taft, Haku and I decided to just wait the rain out at a 7-11. We soon met up with Prince of Persia so that Haku can have a place to stay until the rain subsides. Turns out it was completely flooded everywhere, so it was a good thing I had changed into my wellies before Prince of Persia arrived. For the first time, my boots were finally used in a flood situation.
 |
| My wellies. We're all forever indebted to Hoby of St. James's Street, London. |
 |
| Time to sing 'Under the Sea'! |
 |
| Yep, I had to wade through this. Oh look, random plastic on the ground. I wonder why it gets flooded so easily in Manila. |
 |
| Thankfully the driver wasn't one of those douchebags who'd speed by you and give you a free shower. |
 |
| This was the road in front of McDonald's. |
Ah, what an adventure! I will now try to sleep and dream of a Manila with good infrastructure, responsible citizens and a benevolent government. Bonne nuit! x
Completely exhausted with muscle pains but happy <3,
Chihiro
Saturday, 4 August 2012
I rediscover the most important aspect of a story.
Okay since I'm rather sleepy and almost out of laptop battery, this will have to be quick and in a numbered list:
Inspired and pensive yet really ridiculously drowsy,
Chihiro
- The flight was delayed but it was okay.
- My phone roaming won't work.
- My mother sort of got us lost in the mall and my navigation-snobby self commented on it, so we got on each other's nerves (as per usual) for quite a while.
- The budget hotel room is cozy and adorable and is surrounded by cats and Indian-inspired restaurants.
- My brother won a gold medal for his first event.
- In one of those Indian-inspired restaurants, a Dev Patel 'dead ringer' served us food. I somehow think he owns the place. It was probably his style, his hospitality and his ability to give us a discount that led me to think so.
- I sort of ship my brother with the girl who's currently rooming with us (especially since she's funny and weird and just too adorable gah) despite having been told that he likes someone else. No matter who he likes, though, I'll always support him. I just found their friendship really cute and shippy.
- They're all asleep now and my mother's hugging the girl. I don't know whether to feel bad for her ('Personal space guuuuh') or to feel bad for my mother because I know she misses having a little girl.
- I'm sort of sleepy now.
Inspired and pensive yet really ridiculously drowsy,
Chihiro
Friday, 3 August 2012
Friendship is magic.
I need to start packing as soon as possible for my weekend trip to 'somewhere I don't feel like naming' so this will be quick. Today's been great, so far. I overslept so I didn't get to attend my morning class, but the afternoon went really well (though I decided to skip my afternoon class as well since I had a bit of a headache and I didn't feel prepared for class).
When I finally got to the university at around one or two o'clock in the afternoon, I headed straight for our publication's office. It was the 'waiver distribution day' for this annual seminar in which participants are given the chance to get to know themselves, their organisation, and their craft better. Since the slots were limited, staffers of the publication followed the editors everywhere, anticipating the flight of the to-be-ridiculously-crumpled waiver. When I got there, someone told me there were only four slots remaining, so I decided to just sit down outside the office and hate on myself for being late.
It was when someone got a waiver that I decided to enter the office and join the crowd of 'Waiver Warriors'. One of the editors soon released another waiver, and I fought over it with another staffer (don't worry, it wasn't a violent fight). Feeling completely fortunate for getting a waiver despite having just arrived, I almost forgot to check if the waiver I got was real. I panicked for a while when I saw the writings on the waiver until I realised it was just the media office director's signature.
It was later when I found out that Bollywood Survivor (I know, I'm getting worse at naming people), a friend of mine and a co-staffer, had actually kicked the paper to send it flying towards me. I was so grateful and so glad to have been helped by him. It would definitely be fun to be 'seminar-mates' with him—I just really hope nothing would go wrong so that I can surely go to the seminar and be able to experience my first out-of-town trip ever with my co-staffers and editors.
I soon decided to hang out with Mystique and three other friends (yes, too lazy to name them, but just so I remember them they will be temporarily called Prince of Persia, Double Blast and The Inquisition). Mystique and I spent the time talking about the food situation in the country whilst the three dudes talked about derpy things. At some point, we were all exclaiming 'aww' because Double Blast looked adorable in his primary school photos. Soon enough, Weirdo and Haku arrived. The guys wanted to play video games so Weirdo decided to go with them. Haku, Mystique and I decided to go to a Japanese place and have dinner there.
Dinner at the Japanese place made me realise how much I missed my late-night conversations with Haku and Mystique from last year. It used to be that, whilst waiting for Mystique to finish her night class, Haku and I would hang out somewhere and just have really random conversations. Once Mystique is done, we would then grab dinner from somewhere cheap and plan out things we wanted to do for the rest of the year. Though we didn't get to do all of the plans, most of them were a success. We held a pagan ritual in September, a photoshoot for Athene's class in November, a Yule Ball in December and a rather delayed Tea Party in January, I think.
Remembering those times, I think I want to do more fun activities with Haku, Mystique and the rest of our friends. This, I know, is what I've been wishing for all my life: two best friends who I could be at my stupidest, ugliest and saddest with, and yet they still stand by me no matter what. They even bring balance to the equation: Haku tends to spoil me and do all he can to make me smile again, but Mystique knows how to make me give myself reality checks and bitch slaps.
Tomorrow (or in a few hours, actually) I leave for a country where my brother is currently at to support his athletic career. I'm so proud of my brother (I never got this far when I was still doing his current sport) and I believe he will go places in life. I've also got to finish writing a story by today because it's the deadline my editor set for me. I suppose, what I'm trying to say is that I'd love to talk more about my friends, but I think I've got to either pack or get some rest now. I'll let you all know how it goes. Now, it's adventure time!
xoxo,
Chihiro
When I finally got to the university at around one or two o'clock in the afternoon, I headed straight for our publication's office. It was the 'waiver distribution day' for this annual seminar in which participants are given the chance to get to know themselves, their organisation, and their craft better. Since the slots were limited, staffers of the publication followed the editors everywhere, anticipating the flight of the to-be-ridiculously-crumpled waiver. When I got there, someone told me there were only four slots remaining, so I decided to just sit down outside the office and hate on myself for being late.
It was when someone got a waiver that I decided to enter the office and join the crowd of 'Waiver Warriors'. One of the editors soon released another waiver, and I fought over it with another staffer (don't worry, it wasn't a violent fight). Feeling completely fortunate for getting a waiver despite having just arrived, I almost forgot to check if the waiver I got was real. I panicked for a while when I saw the writings on the waiver until I realised it was just the media office director's signature.
It was later when I found out that Bollywood Survivor (I know, I'm getting worse at naming people), a friend of mine and a co-staffer, had actually kicked the paper to send it flying towards me. I was so grateful and so glad to have been helped by him. It would definitely be fun to be 'seminar-mates' with him—I just really hope nothing would go wrong so that I can surely go to the seminar and be able to experience my first out-of-town trip ever with my co-staffers and editors.
I soon decided to hang out with Mystique and three other friends (yes, too lazy to name them, but just so I remember them they will be temporarily called Prince of Persia, Double Blast and The Inquisition). Mystique and I spent the time talking about the food situation in the country whilst the three dudes talked about derpy things. At some point, we were all exclaiming 'aww' because Double Blast looked adorable in his primary school photos. Soon enough, Weirdo and Haku arrived. The guys wanted to play video games so Weirdo decided to go with them. Haku, Mystique and I decided to go to a Japanese place and have dinner there.
Dinner at the Japanese place made me realise how much I missed my late-night conversations with Haku and Mystique from last year. It used to be that, whilst waiting for Mystique to finish her night class, Haku and I would hang out somewhere and just have really random conversations. Once Mystique is done, we would then grab dinner from somewhere cheap and plan out things we wanted to do for the rest of the year. Though we didn't get to do all of the plans, most of them were a success. We held a pagan ritual in September, a photoshoot for Athene's class in November, a Yule Ball in December and a rather delayed Tea Party in January, I think.
Remembering those times, I think I want to do more fun activities with Haku, Mystique and the rest of our friends. This, I know, is what I've been wishing for all my life: two best friends who I could be at my stupidest, ugliest and saddest with, and yet they still stand by me no matter what. They even bring balance to the equation: Haku tends to spoil me and do all he can to make me smile again, but Mystique knows how to make me give myself reality checks and bitch slaps.
Tomorrow (or in a few hours, actually) I leave for a country where my brother is currently at to support his athletic career. I'm so proud of my brother (I never got this far when I was still doing his current sport) and I believe he will go places in life. I've also got to finish writing a story by today because it's the deadline my editor set for me. I suppose, what I'm trying to say is that I'd love to talk more about my friends, but I think I've got to either pack or get some rest now. I'll let you all know how it goes. Now, it's adventure time!
xoxo,
Chihiro
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
Because good company cancels out bad days.
Today's a great day. Whilst it had a rather awful beginning, I went home happy and the happiness I feel right now is what matters. It's actually surprising for the day to have gotten better considering how I was practically ready to explode come ten in the morning—I was late for my meeting with my professor, and the lack of sleep along with the horrible traffic got me ridiculously cranky. I brooded upon this until eleven when I finally decided to find some of my friends in school, only to find out that classes were finally announced to be suspended and that most of my friends just decided to go home.
Fortunately for me, I managed to hang out with Poison Ivy and Fortune Cookie (Sorry, dude, I'll think of a better one for you) in Fortune Cookie's flat. We had McDonald's take-away for lunch, watched How I Met Your Mother and discussed the most random things we could talk about. At around two o'clock in the afternoon, Haku texted me saying he can go meet up with me. So we all decided to meet up with Haku by waiting for him at the 7-11 on the ground floor. When Haku finally arrived, we just ate popcorn and talked about random things yet again until Poison Ivy decided to go home and Fortune Cookie decided to go back to his flat. Haku and I thought about the possibility of watching 'Brave', but we decided to just watch it next week.
Haku and I eventually decided to go to the mall to get solution for my contact lenses. We hung out and possibly freaked some people out due to our weirdness, but hey, who cares? After talking about either the silliest or sweetest things whilst walking around the mall, we finally decided to grab dinner at a Mexican place. The food was good, the conversation was brilliant (as always) and I just could not seem to stop smiling. Due to the whole Cinderella meets Rapunzel thing I've got lately, we had to leave soon, so Haku decided to accompany me to the bus station by taking the cab with me.
In front of the buses, we hugged and tried not to feel too sad about having to part. Before I left, I kissed him and said, 'I wish I could just go home to you.'
Looking me in the eyes, he replied, 'But you already are home.' He then hugged me even tighter and I buried my face in his chest. Yes, he's right. At that moment, I truly was home.
When I finally got to check my Facebook account, I came upon the 'Question of the Day' post in my organisation's Facebook group. The question was, 'Name 5 ways one can win your heart.' I wanted to answer 'No need for 5 ways if you're Haku' but I decided against it because that was just ridiculously cheesy. So instead of serving world-class Brie, this was my answer:
xoxo,
Chihiro
Fortunately for me, I managed to hang out with Poison Ivy and Fortune Cookie (Sorry, dude, I'll think of a better one for you) in Fortune Cookie's flat. We had McDonald's take-away for lunch, watched How I Met Your Mother and discussed the most random things we could talk about. At around two o'clock in the afternoon, Haku texted me saying he can go meet up with me. So we all decided to meet up with Haku by waiting for him at the 7-11 on the ground floor. When Haku finally arrived, we just ate popcorn and talked about random things yet again until Poison Ivy decided to go home and Fortune Cookie decided to go back to his flat. Haku and I thought about the possibility of watching 'Brave', but we decided to just watch it next week.
Haku and I eventually decided to go to the mall to get solution for my contact lenses. We hung out and possibly freaked some people out due to our weirdness, but hey, who cares? After talking about either the silliest or sweetest things whilst walking around the mall, we finally decided to grab dinner at a Mexican place. The food was good, the conversation was brilliant (as always) and I just could not seem to stop smiling. Due to the whole Cinderella meets Rapunzel thing I've got lately, we had to leave soon, so Haku decided to accompany me to the bus station by taking the cab with me.
In front of the buses, we hugged and tried not to feel too sad about having to part. Before I left, I kissed him and said, 'I wish I could just go home to you.'
Looking me in the eyes, he replied, 'But you already are home.' He then hugged me even tighter and I buried my face in his chest. Yes, he's right. At that moment, I truly was home.
When I finally got to check my Facebook account, I came upon the 'Question of the Day' post in my organisation's Facebook group. The question was, 'Name 5 ways one can win your heart.' I wanted to answer 'No need for 5 ways if you're Haku' but I decided against it because that was just ridiculously cheesy. So instead of serving world-class Brie, this was my answer:
1. Don't be just my significant other—be best friends with me.Guess who's done and doing all of the above. Have a great Thursday/Friday, all you lovely people!
2. Discuss art, literature and philosophy with me. Don't be afraid of challenging my beliefs. Make me question even myself.
3. Make out with me and do other couple things like there's no tomorrow. Give me that spark even just by holding my hand or kissing my hair.
4. Go on adventures with me. Explore the world with me. Just basically be open to new experiences with me.
5. Above all, be at your most comfortable with me.
xoxo,
Chihiro
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Maturity
I am in awe. Looking back I would never have seen myself the way I am today. I never in my life thought my choice of conversation would mature from myself to the world, from friends to society, from school to politics.
Maybe I am having a pseudo humility phase, were in I am talking myself into the impossibility of having such wide range of topics for conversation, when in fact my range of conversation back then would range from me to things I like. I did not even consider material things I liked back then. Only living breathing things, like other human beings, or perhaps a sneezing panda. But hey, I guess people do change. And I am proud of myself for having matured. Even if its just a little bit.
Maybe I am having a pseudo humility phase, were in I am talking myself into the impossibility of having such wide range of topics for conversation, when in fact my range of conversation back then would range from me to things I like. I did not even consider material things I liked back then. Only living breathing things, like other human beings, or perhaps a sneezing panda. But hey, I guess people do change. And I am proud of myself for having matured. Even if its just a little bit.
Chihiro's blogging hiatus is over.
Bonjour, mes amis! I've missed you all. After spending time with Kleenex and Fluttershy today, I realised how I probably should go back to blogging. Certain conversations with people have led me to allow myself to open up again, and as a part of my blogging comeback this post will mostly be a life update post. Prepare yourself for a bit of negativity though—it's been rather terrible for me recently, and I shall finally enumerate the reasons behind the sudden weather shift in my life.
I. It starts with a betrayal.
Just to give you a bit of a background, last year around May 2011 I decided to move out of the dorm beside my university. Just in time, my ex dorm mate asked me if I wanted to rent the extra room in her flat just across the university. It was a great opportunity especially since we were friends anyway, and even when I was still living in the dorm I sometimes slept over at her place for movie marathons.
Flash forward to early July 2012. The morning after I visited Haku's place, my mother suddenly entered the flat and told me, 'We need to talk.' Turns out, my flatmate told her of how I'd bring Haku to the flat, and how sometimes I come 'home' really late. In case you didn't know, Haku and I are in a forbidden relationship. Coming from a conservative fundamentalist religion, I am not allowed to date anyone who's outside of my religion. Haku's a Catholic. I myself do not really subscribe to the beliefs of my religion, but being my father's daughter I am obliged to stay in the Church and 'obey God's Words'.
Now, thanks to my flatmate's betrayal, my mother found out about me and Haku. At some point, I had to admit to her that I also used to date the guy who I once introduced to her as my best friend (we shall call him Otaku, since he was sort of an otaku anyway). Because of this betrayal, my mother decided to keep a close watch on me. She wanted me to break up with Haku, and I believe that she's secretly texting my flatmate (shall we call her 'Stabbington'?) just to get information about me.
The thing about my mother is that she cares so much about my father's love for the religion that she, too, wants me to stay in the Church even after I finally told her about my beliefs. Somehow, I can understand that. She loves my father; it's only natural for her to care about how my excommunication would make him feel. But because of her fear and natural concern as a parent, she's gotten more overprotective than ever. She doesn't like it when I'm still out at around 10pm, and she always has to ask who I'm with and what I'm doing. I think she even asked Otaku to add me on Facebook because he added my family-only account. She probably thinks Otaku's a better bloke for me given how he almost converted to our religion. (For the record, I myself don't want Haku to convert because I don't want to stay in that Church.)
My parents love me and I know that. Parents typically think they've got their children's best interests at heart. Whilst I appreciate all the things my parents have done for me, it just breaks my heart to know that there will always be this unacceptable part of me. That someday, because of our differences, I might get disowned or be forced to leave them.
II. It's followed by the darkest thoughts at night.
Sometimes, I'm so in despair I wonder what would happen if I swallowed 30 depressants all at once. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm really going anywhere in life. These are confessions I shared with my soul sisters Kleenex and Fluttershy today. And these are confessions I am not afraid of typing down right now. I've lost sleep, I've been getting more headaches than usual, and some days I just can't seem to stop crying. I've become a waterfall, a walking fountain of pain. Some days I convince myself it will all be okay, but often times I can't seem to find faith in myself.
III. They hold my hand, and I can keep holding on.
It's a tough time for me, but I'm surrounded by the most loving people on Earth and they are the reason why I do not descend into the darkness. Haku, Mystique, Boobs, Persephone, Weirdo, Fluttershy, Kleenex, all the people whose code names I've yet to think of... they are all very lovely people and I'm grateful for how they support me in their own ways. They never get tired of my ceaseless useless ranting, and they offered the love, comfort and acceptance I wish I had from my parents. Sometimes, your biological family aren't always the people your heart will consider to be your true family.
I realise now that I can keep moving forward. I'm scared, and I still can't seem to stop getting emotional about it, but I'm just glad to have people cheering me on along the way. I've still yet to find a good part-time job, and I have yet to start the new blog encouraging love in all its forms. But right now, despite my fear and confusion, it warms my heart to know that there will always be people who believe in me. And that I do not walk alone in this world.
Much love for you all.
xoxo,
Chihiro
I. It starts with a betrayal.
Just to give you a bit of a background, last year around May 2011 I decided to move out of the dorm beside my university. Just in time, my ex dorm mate asked me if I wanted to rent the extra room in her flat just across the university. It was a great opportunity especially since we were friends anyway, and even when I was still living in the dorm I sometimes slept over at her place for movie marathons.
Flash forward to early July 2012. The morning after I visited Haku's place, my mother suddenly entered the flat and told me, 'We need to talk.' Turns out, my flatmate told her of how I'd bring Haku to the flat, and how sometimes I come 'home' really late. In case you didn't know, Haku and I are in a forbidden relationship. Coming from a conservative fundamentalist religion, I am not allowed to date anyone who's outside of my religion. Haku's a Catholic. I myself do not really subscribe to the beliefs of my religion, but being my father's daughter I am obliged to stay in the Church and 'obey God's Words'.
Now, thanks to my flatmate's betrayal, my mother found out about me and Haku. At some point, I had to admit to her that I also used to date the guy who I once introduced to her as my best friend (we shall call him Otaku, since he was sort of an otaku anyway). Because of this betrayal, my mother decided to keep a close watch on me. She wanted me to break up with Haku, and I believe that she's secretly texting my flatmate (shall we call her 'Stabbington'?) just to get information about me.
The thing about my mother is that she cares so much about my father's love for the religion that she, too, wants me to stay in the Church even after I finally told her about my beliefs. Somehow, I can understand that. She loves my father; it's only natural for her to care about how my excommunication would make him feel. But because of her fear and natural concern as a parent, she's gotten more overprotective than ever. She doesn't like it when I'm still out at around 10pm, and she always has to ask who I'm with and what I'm doing. I think she even asked Otaku to add me on Facebook because he added my family-only account. She probably thinks Otaku's a better bloke for me given how he almost converted to our religion. (For the record, I myself don't want Haku to convert because I don't want to stay in that Church.)
My parents love me and I know that. Parents typically think they've got their children's best interests at heart. Whilst I appreciate all the things my parents have done for me, it just breaks my heart to know that there will always be this unacceptable part of me. That someday, because of our differences, I might get disowned or be forced to leave them.
II. It's followed by the darkest thoughts at night.
Sometimes, I'm so in despair I wonder what would happen if I swallowed 30 depressants all at once. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm really going anywhere in life. These are confessions I shared with my soul sisters Kleenex and Fluttershy today. And these are confessions I am not afraid of typing down right now. I've lost sleep, I've been getting more headaches than usual, and some days I just can't seem to stop crying. I've become a waterfall, a walking fountain of pain. Some days I convince myself it will all be okay, but often times I can't seem to find faith in myself.
III. They hold my hand, and I can keep holding on.
It's a tough time for me, but I'm surrounded by the most loving people on Earth and they are the reason why I do not descend into the darkness. Haku, Mystique, Boobs, Persephone, Weirdo, Fluttershy, Kleenex, all the people whose code names I've yet to think of... they are all very lovely people and I'm grateful for how they support me in their own ways. They never get tired of my ceaseless useless ranting, and they offered the love, comfort and acceptance I wish I had from my parents. Sometimes, your biological family aren't always the people your heart will consider to be your true family.
I realise now that I can keep moving forward. I'm scared, and I still can't seem to stop getting emotional about it, but I'm just glad to have people cheering me on along the way. I've still yet to find a good part-time job, and I have yet to start the new blog encouraging love in all its forms. But right now, despite my fear and confusion, it warms my heart to know that there will always be people who believe in me. And that I do not walk alone in this world.
Much love for you all.
xoxo,
Chihiro
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Of Filipino Hunger Games and Crazy Friendships
Yesterday, I watched The Hunger Games with three of my friends: Haku, Weirdo and Persephone. All three of them are more or less Tributes (meaning, in this context, huge fans of the trilogy) but I honestly didn't care much for THG. I mean, I've read a few bits from the first book and I know a lot about it because of my Tribute friends, but beyond that I never really bothered getting into the fandom out of the fear of disappointment (due to its popularity) and my anti-mainstream mentality. I wasn't even planning on watching it until Haku asked if I wanted to watch it with Weirdo and Persephone. I was rather apprehensive at first, but it stars Jennifer Lawrence (who's one of my favourite actresses) so I thought, 'Why not?' I'm really glad I said yes, though, now that I've actually watched THG and is on my way to becoming a Tribute.
Yesterday afternoon didn't exactly begin nicely—it was raining when Haku and Weirdo picked me up at the flat, and due to the heaviness of the rain we got soaking wet when Haku fetched me in front of my building to walk me to the car with an umbrella. We then headed for the mall where Persephone was waiting for us, but it took us a while since it was rather hard to see through the rain, plus the heavy traffic wasn't helping at all. We eventually got there, with Persephone giving us food once she got in the car because she figured we'd be hungry after all that driving. I vaguely remember Haku or Weirdo responding with, 'Well, that's how we prepared ourselves for Hunger Games. We got ourselves hungry!'
The ride from the mall we picked Persephone up to the mall where we were supposed to watch THG was pretty much insane. I can't remember much of what we talked about, but I do distinctly remember Weirdo pointing out his school to us at some point. By the time we got to the mall, the pitter-patter wasn't so bad anymore, but it was already rather late so we just decided to watch a 7:30pm showing of the film and eat dinner beforehand. We had dinner at Bigoli, in which we all ordered pretty much the same thing—pepperoni pizza with Spaghetti Bolognese. Weirdo ordered a plate of Stromboli for all of us to share which I didn't get to eat because I was already full. Then I had a communal black grape shake which everyone loved. Whilst waiting for time to pass we just trolled Haku until we decided to go check the bazaar out. Weirdo and Persephone witnessed a shop owner throw a tantrum whilst I longed for a pair of yellow and brown studded shoes. Soon enough we decided to head to the theatre, which was actually rather packed with people. Sometimes I really can't help but marvel at how there really are so many people in the world. I guess growing up in a small town in which almost everyone is connected to each other (by acquaintance or by blood) does that to you.
I was expecting disappointment and perhaps me going like, 'Oh it was a cool movie,' but I ended up wanting immediately to read all the books after we watched the film. Haku and I couldn't help but close read the film whilst Persephone and Weirdo close read our close reading. We stayed for a while at this store that sold really cool toys, then afterwards we just walked around the place whilst we talked about the film. Haku and I even talked of how THG could be our generation's 1984 due to the Orwellian themes in it, plus it's just so socially relevant that I couldn't help but analyse how it was, in many ways, a socio-political commentary whether it was Suzanne Collins's goal when she wrote the books or not.
We ended up driving to Persephone's place, in which during the car ride we talked about how the rest of the world could probably be like if America had turned into Panem. We then discussed the Hunger Games in a Filipino context, and we came up with a few things that would make the Filipino Hunger Games epically 'Filipino'. For one, the sponsors would have a lot of product placement during the span of the show. Commercial breaks would last longer than the show itself, and instead of having real weapons to use against each other the Tributes would be given items like beer bottles, icepicks, forks, Magic Sings etc. The use of dramatic dialogue will also have the the Filipino audience pining for the Tributes. Instead of Pita (the Filipino Peeta) calmly telling the audience that he loves Katnis (the Filipino Katniss lol), Pita would go like, 'Hindi ko na kayang itago ang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo, Katnis. Bakit hindi mo maunawaan? Ikaw lamang ang gusto ko! (I can't hide my feelings for you any longer, Katniss. Why can't you understand? You're the only one that I want!)' I can actually imagine that instead of wolves/Mutts attacking them in the end, they would be attacked by 'askals' (The Filipino term for stray dogs) and once they defeat the askals they'll be allowed to cook and eat them.
At Persephone's place, Weirdo and Persephone watched The Book of Mormon whilst Haku and I played Kokology. After watching and Tumblr-ing for quite a while, Weirdo and Persephone ended up joining us. We all came up with pretty trippy answers, with Haku and I trying to out-weird each other, and Weirdo winning due to how epically absurd his answers were. We were all really tired when we decided to call it a night, but we can't deny that we all had a lot of fun. Persephone even spoke of how we should do stuff like that more often. I completely agree with Persephone. Thank God for socially relevant works of literature like THG and friendships like this. Despite the rainy day, those two things turned the day into a 'sunny' one for us.
Yesterday afternoon didn't exactly begin nicely—it was raining when Haku and Weirdo picked me up at the flat, and due to the heaviness of the rain we got soaking wet when Haku fetched me in front of my building to walk me to the car with an umbrella. We then headed for the mall where Persephone was waiting for us, but it took us a while since it was rather hard to see through the rain, plus the heavy traffic wasn't helping at all. We eventually got there, with Persephone giving us food once she got in the car because she figured we'd be hungry after all that driving. I vaguely remember Haku or Weirdo responding with, 'Well, that's how we prepared ourselves for Hunger Games. We got ourselves hungry!'
The ride from the mall we picked Persephone up to the mall where we were supposed to watch THG was pretty much insane. I can't remember much of what we talked about, but I do distinctly remember Weirdo pointing out his school to us at some point. By the time we got to the mall, the pitter-patter wasn't so bad anymore, but it was already rather late so we just decided to watch a 7:30pm showing of the film and eat dinner beforehand. We had dinner at Bigoli, in which we all ordered pretty much the same thing—pepperoni pizza with Spaghetti Bolognese. Weirdo ordered a plate of Stromboli for all of us to share which I didn't get to eat because I was already full. Then I had a communal black grape shake which everyone loved. Whilst waiting for time to pass we just trolled Haku until we decided to go check the bazaar out. Weirdo and Persephone witnessed a shop owner throw a tantrum whilst I longed for a pair of yellow and brown studded shoes. Soon enough we decided to head to the theatre, which was actually rather packed with people. Sometimes I really can't help but marvel at how there really are so many people in the world. I guess growing up in a small town in which almost everyone is connected to each other (by acquaintance or by blood) does that to you.
I was expecting disappointment and perhaps me going like, 'Oh it was a cool movie,' but I ended up wanting immediately to read all the books after we watched the film. Haku and I couldn't help but close read the film whilst Persephone and Weirdo close read our close reading. We stayed for a while at this store that sold really cool toys, then afterwards we just walked around the place whilst we talked about the film. Haku and I even talked of how THG could be our generation's 1984 due to the Orwellian themes in it, plus it's just so socially relevant that I couldn't help but analyse how it was, in many ways, a socio-political commentary whether it was Suzanne Collins's goal when she wrote the books or not.
We ended up driving to Persephone's place, in which during the car ride we talked about how the rest of the world could probably be like if America had turned into Panem. We then discussed the Hunger Games in a Filipino context, and we came up with a few things that would make the Filipino Hunger Games epically 'Filipino'. For one, the sponsors would have a lot of product placement during the span of the show. Commercial breaks would last longer than the show itself, and instead of having real weapons to use against each other the Tributes would be given items like beer bottles, icepicks, forks, Magic Sings etc. The use of dramatic dialogue will also have the the Filipino audience pining for the Tributes. Instead of Pita (the Filipino Peeta) calmly telling the audience that he loves Katnis (the Filipino Katniss lol), Pita would go like, 'Hindi ko na kayang itago ang nararamdaman ko para sa'yo, Katnis. Bakit hindi mo maunawaan? Ikaw lamang ang gusto ko! (I can't hide my feelings for you any longer, Katniss. Why can't you understand? You're the only one that I want!)' I can actually imagine that instead of wolves/Mutts attacking them in the end, they would be attacked by 'askals' (The Filipino term for stray dogs) and once they defeat the askals they'll be allowed to cook and eat them.
At Persephone's place, Weirdo and Persephone watched The Book of Mormon whilst Haku and I played Kokology. After watching and Tumblr-ing for quite a while, Weirdo and Persephone ended up joining us. We all came up with pretty trippy answers, with Haku and I trying to out-weird each other, and Weirdo winning due to how epically absurd his answers were. We were all really tired when we decided to call it a night, but we can't deny that we all had a lot of fun. Persephone even spoke of how we should do stuff like that more often. I completely agree with Persephone. Thank God for socially relevant works of literature like THG and friendships like this. Despite the rainy day, those two things turned the day into a 'sunny' one for us.
Sunday, 18 March 2012
Ready-made-brownie mix Crinkles and Laughter
Often times I wonder what good things are made of. Like the stars, or dreams... Of course we all know what stars are made of (gases like helium..., and dust.) But dreams on the other hand, that's a different issue. Some claim that the thing you dream about is the last thing on your mind. Some say that these are wishes that your heart make when you are fast asleep. Dreams for others are an escape, to an alternate place other than their reality.
I really can't explain what all of the good things are made of. But Friendship, for today, I can sum it up by saying it is made of ready-made-brownie-mix crinkles and laughter. I really can not think of what friendship is (aside from it being a relationship based on trust and a good foundation of love.)
Friendships like these are rare. It is hard to find true fulfillment and contentment. But I suppose real friendship brings you joy, even if you only see them a few times a trimester. And you find laughter in every little thing, even if its making fun of yourself. Or just dusting of the flour and confectioner's sugar off your black clothing. :)
Ps I miss you Fluttershy. Hope you were with us, reunion us please? :D
Also posted pics here Chihiro, if you don't mind. :)) If you dislike it I'll delete it asap.
PPs
DELETED most of the pictures.
 |
| Mickey head shape crinkle :) Totally made me smile... |
Friendships like these are rare. It is hard to find true fulfillment and contentment. But I suppose real friendship brings you joy, even if you only see them a few times a trimester. And you find laughter in every little thing, even if its making fun of yourself. Or just dusting of the flour and confectioner's sugar off your black clothing. :)
 |
| Being a complete OCD, rolling crinkles into balls, and Chihiro putting them on the tray. |
 |
| with the final batch of the awesome crinkles... |
xxx,
K <3
Ps I miss you Fluttershy. Hope you were with us, reunion us please? :D
Also posted pics here Chihiro, if you don't mind. :)) If you dislike it I'll delete it asap.
PPs
DELETED most of the pictures.
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
I met my personal Yubaba.
Hello TPs and readers of the Tissue Poets' blog! I know I have neither responded nor posted in this blog for quite a while now, and I'm very sorry about that. It's been a bit of a tiring month, especially since it's almost finals week and we're all on the verge of seeking that pill from Limitless. (Speaking of which, I had the book before it was fucking cool! It's called The Dark Fields and it was written by Alan Glynn. Unfortunately, I sort of gave the book away to someone. Oh well whatevs.) Anyway, I hope you guys have been doing well and that you're not yet looking like a zombie like me. So much has happened during the past few weeks, but time is flying by so fast that I feel like I'm riding a winged rhinoceros and it just wants to throw me off its back. Ah, damn you university student problems.
So, Fluttershy, I'm glad to see you posting something more cheerful than usual. Same goes for you, Kleenex. Things seem to be looking up for the three of us, and I hope it stays that way. It's been a depressing first quarter for 2012, hasn't it? I hate saying this because it's such an overused friendship line but we're all in this together so I want you two to know that even if I don't comment on your posts or respond to your text messages I'm still here and that I'm probably not replying because my eyelids have become really heavy and just the struggle to keep on reading is enough to make my energy balloon go ka-boom.
I suppose I should end it here now, I think this is good enough to let you guys know that I'm still alive. I can't stop yawning, and I still have got to wake up at maybe 4 or 5 am tomorrow to revise my paper.
I'm really looking forward to experiencing summer. I am so going to get a tan, so fuck the things that have made me super pale.
So, Fluttershy, I'm glad to see you posting something more cheerful than usual. Same goes for you, Kleenex. Things seem to be looking up for the three of us, and I hope it stays that way. It's been a depressing first quarter for 2012, hasn't it? I hate saying this because it's such an overused friendship line but we're all in this together so I want you two to know that even if I don't comment on your posts or respond to your text messages I'm still here and that I'm probably not replying because my eyelids have become really heavy and just the struggle to keep on reading is enough to make my energy balloon go ka-boom.
I suppose I should end it here now, I think this is good enough to let you guys know that I'm still alive. I can't stop yawning, and I still have got to wake up at maybe 4 or 5 am tomorrow to revise my paper.
I'm really looking forward to experiencing summer. I am so going to get a tan, so fuck the things that have made me super pale.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
More than a friend
So here's a little snack, I'm feeling a lot down lately so instead of ranting and getting you guys worried and sad and annoyed at the same time as I am I just wrote new lyrics cause I know that the old ones that Mouse got might be stolen and gone forever, this one is better I think. Its called More Than A Friend. Here goes the lyrics.
Lalalala-lalalala-lalalalalalala.
I can't pretend to know what you're feeling.
I may not understand but you know that I'm listening.
Whenever you feel like its cold and alone.
I won't let you go through it alone.
I won't let you fall, I'll always be here.
You can hold on my hand, it's reaching for you.
I would cheer you up, know there's nothing to fear.
You can lean on my shoulder, you can cry on it too.
I don't know what I want, or what I want to do.
Don't know who I am, or who I want to be.
I can't even tell what's real from a fantasy.
Everything changes, but one thing remains to be true.
Remember, we'll always be more than just friends.
You pretend to be strong, just holding on.
Pretend to be smiling, when you're crying inside.
Know that the telephone well it works both ways.
I'll be waiting on the other end.
I won't let you go, I'll always be here.
Just hold on me hand, I'm reaching for you.
We'll laugh together, cause there's nothing to fear.
You can lean on my shoulder, you can cry on it too.
I don't know what I want, or what I want to do.
Don't know who I am, or who I want to be.
I can't even tell what's real from a fantasy.
Everything changes, but one thing remains to be true.
Remember. We'll always be more than just friends.
I may not always be right there next to you...
But my heart cries when you do and it sings when you laugh.
Know its true, we'll always be more than just friends.
Lalalalalala-lalalalala-lanalanana...
We'll always be more than just friends.
A pre-valentine treat cause I love you guys and you're my valentine.
Lalalala-lalalala-lalalalalalala.
I can't pretend to know what you're feeling.
I may not understand but you know that I'm listening.
Whenever you feel like its cold and alone.
I won't let you go through it alone.
I won't let you fall, I'll always be here.
You can hold on my hand, it's reaching for you.
I would cheer you up, know there's nothing to fear.
You can lean on my shoulder, you can cry on it too.
I don't know what I want, or what I want to do.
Don't know who I am, or who I want to be.
I can't even tell what's real from a fantasy.
Everything changes, but one thing remains to be true.
Remember, we'll always be more than just friends.
You pretend to be strong, just holding on.
Pretend to be smiling, when you're crying inside.
Know that the telephone well it works both ways.
I'll be waiting on the other end.
I won't let you go, I'll always be here.
Just hold on me hand, I'm reaching for you.
We'll laugh together, cause there's nothing to fear.
You can lean on my shoulder, you can cry on it too.
I don't know what I want, or what I want to do.
Don't know who I am, or who I want to be.
I can't even tell what's real from a fantasy.
Everything changes, but one thing remains to be true.
Remember. We'll always be more than just friends.
I may not always be right there next to you...
But my heart cries when you do and it sings when you laugh.
Know its true, we'll always be more than just friends.
Lalalalalala-lalalalala-lanalanana...
We'll always be more than just friends.
A pre-valentine treat cause I love you guys and you're my valentine.
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
On Haku's Dorkiness And Relationships
EXT FRONT STEPS OF FLAT NIGHT
Except for the sound of cars passing by and the voices of the people in the area, it's quiet and the lights provide a candlelight-like glow. Chihiro, eighteen, and Haku, forever nineteen, are sitting down on the front steps facing each other. They're looking at each other in the eye. Haku takes Chihiro's hand. It's rather cold, so Chihiro moves closer. Haku holds Chihiro's hand close to his chest.
Haku
I like looking at...
(Epic hand gesture with his free hand, turns slightly away)
My face. In the mirror. 'Cause I'm so in love with myself.
Chihiro
(Smiles and brushes fingers through Haku's hair)
I like brushing my fingers through...
(Suddenly brushes own hair)
My hair. It's just so soft and silky.
LOL FWAHAHA OVER!
The context of this scenario is that there's a couple who keep on saying misleading cheesy lines to each other, as exemplified above. It was my idea, methinks.
I'm so sorry, Haku. D: I just had to post this. It's too damn campy for words. I'd make a comic out of this if I weren't too lazy lol.
Anyway, Haku and I have been good lately to those who are wondering (I think this is mostly Fluttershy LOL). Ever since what happened, we both realised how important it is to be honest with each other. I finally managed to tell him the things that have been bothering me, and so did he. It feels really good to be honest with each other. I now wonder why we never had the guts to really apply the 'transparency' thing we talked about before. I suppose it's because deep down we were so afraid of finding things out about each other that we wouldn't like or something of the sort. I realised that thanks to Mystique. We've also gotten more affectionate LOL but I don't really mind. Secretly, I'm actually rather affectionate—it's just that for the longest time I didn't want to acknowledge that aspect of myself because I didn't want to look clingy. Then again, isn't that why friends stay friends? Deep down, we all need each other. You can grow 'independently', but it's the relationships you have with people that encourage you to grow.
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Here's an Ego-Boost for Ya'll
People of certain kinds do stick together, just like animals. You don't see a hyena in a crowd of lions.Neither do you see a clown fish with a shark (except in Finding Nemo.) In relation Awesome people don't mix with not-so-awesome people (no judgement there). Smart ones don't mix with the norm.
How can I say these? Aside from the obvious that all of us are AWESOME, there's the youtube faves to set as examples... Ryan Higa is actually friends with David Choi. Michelle Phan is actually friends with the "dope" person make-up artist whose name I can't remember...
I also tried dipping myself in a different crowd. And I was not very happy. There are a few awesome people in this wold. Let's celebrate the fact that we are, and that we found each other.
Be happy. We're all still so blessed.
How can I say these? Aside from the obvious that all of us are AWESOME, there's the youtube faves to set as examples... Ryan Higa is actually friends with David Choi. Michelle Phan is actually friends with the "dope" person make-up artist whose name I can't remember...
I also tried dipping myself in a different crowd. And I was not very happy. There are a few awesome people in this wold. Let's celebrate the fact that we are, and that we found each other.
Be happy. We're all still so blessed.
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