Like Poison You Can't Seem To Get Out

I've been listening to a lot of The Hunger Games fanmixes lately, and this one in particular caught my attention. I dedicate this song to my friends, Fluttershy and Kleenex, with the hope that someday those silly boys will finally be out of their veins. I do apologise for my very short posts recently. I'll make it up to you one of these days.

Nyar nyar mode

I'm having a closer relationship with God these days. For the first time, I became preacher for a day :D I was a bit doubtful of my skills at first but I know God is with me in this. He won't put me in places that I cannot handle. So, yeah, I did a good job!!! :D <3

I've learned so many things from God these days. I think my prayer has already been answered a long long time ago but I was just blinded by my own actions, that I am unable to hear God's words. I've been praying for an answer if I should move on or not. Now, I realize I must...

I love this person so much. I really do. This is Baka-sama, as you know him. I never thought that I be able to have strong feelings for a particular guy. I have been longing for him for these past two years now. God has answered my prayer. At times, the things that we want are not given to us no matter how much we ask or how much we pray for it. It is not because God doesn't want us to be happy, the truth is He WANTS us to be happy. He might not give it to you because of two things:

* That blessing is NOT good for you FOR THE MOMENT.
* That blessing is NOT good FOR YOU AT ALL.

Well, I guess it is just a plain sight to see, that it is not meant to be. But I will forever hold him in my heart. I am touched, though. It's because of the drawing that I gave him. He actually used it as a design on his clear atachi case (whatever you call that thing which you can place your folders and knick knacks.) He placed it there where anyone can see it if he pulls it out. Whatever the reason, it does not matter anymore. I have already decided to follow God's path for me.

It is not friendship I am after but something more in our case. Since I love this person, I know for now I cannot be his friend, I repeat for now... I've taken another section where he is not my lab mate. So, I would see him less (mostly on lecture classes). A very good thing. If he ever finds a new girl I know I would cry but what I really wish is that when he does, I want this attraction, love or whatever you call it, to have faded away. Yes, I wish I no longer have any feelings for him when the time comes.

So guys keep me strong. I know God is beside me (everyone of us, too :D) always. But I also want my friends to be with me on this. For I know the heart is weak and very deceitful, that the line "follow your heart" IS NOT applicable anymore.

Yes... I'll miss him...

The hell was that?!

Okay so yesterday as usual Baka-sama and I are having silly squabbles yet again...

This morning in Poultry production class. I was talking to one of my classmates, we will call him Kuya anime. Kuya anime was complimenting about my drawing skills. He had no idea that I can draw. He just saw it in my notebook when Kim-chi borrowed it. So, the conversation went on and I showed him some of my works. Suddenly great baka-sama went in the middle and took my water container in my bag without permission and just smiled and also pestered me and Kuya anime. We were having a nice chat and he comes along to ruin it >:(

Also, during that class Kim-chi brought her siamese. I went and held the cute kitten <3 then, baka-sama yet again stole my fun. He took the kitten out of my hands and took it at the back of the room. I was like hey I was playing with her!!! So, I decided to go along with it and followed him. He sat on the chair holding the kitten and he was like the strange *Saurent mode* again... CREEPY... I ignored that and just petted the kitten. Darn it... =.= We are like having a moment with a kitten at the back of the room.

Later that afternoon, it started to rain. He had no umbrella so he used his hoodie to protect himself. My friend and I had an umbrella but he didn't approach us to share the umbrella, which is actually weird because he usually grabs the umbrella without consent and share it with you. I think he was waiting for my urge to ask.

So after a few minutes I asked him if he wants to walk with me under my umbrella.

Me: Baka-sama, gusto mong makisilong sa payong?
Him: Hindi, sige wag na.
Me: Okay, bahala ka. So, I walked a few steps away. (I thought to myself, I can never force someone to love me, so, I somehow compared it to his answer. I can't force him to share the umbrella, too even if he gets sick. I am not the right medicine. That's why I walked away. I wanted to move on.)
Him: Ano ba yan,? Test nga yun eh! Fail yung ginawa mo!!!
Me: *I was caught off-guard completely speechless*
Him: Weak ka weak! ( He was saying this in a pouty way)
Me: Ano ba ginawa ko? Sabi mo ayaw mo di ba? O eto na!?! Sumilong ka na!
Him: Weak ka dapat kaya mong *he was murmuring something but I didn't hear* *hyper mode starts*

Our friends in front just walked nonchalantly... But I saw Emz smiling at me =.=!!! Yep, she was teasing me yet again.

And then Isha's car came along, he went to its path making the sagasaan nyo ko churva whatever foolishness. So, I pulled this stupid person and finally we shared the stupid umbrella =.=


Darn it!!! I was caught off-guard! I had no come-back line!?! I was thinking all this while to move on. I'm doing my best and he says stupid things that make me think otherwise. I said to myself to forget about the person that will never love me back. I said to myself that I cannot force my feeling that's why when he said "wag na" I just decided to walk away... But then he said that stupid line!!! AAAAAAARGH A test of what? My love for you, my friendship, my stupidity? The way he said only sparked the false hope that I should not have ever receive.

Am I not pretty enough...

It is hard to have you as part of my friend circle. I think as long as you are around I won't be able to completely remove what I feel for you. I am glad you still do stupid things just to make laugh and make me feel that I am someone who exists and is part of your life... I'm glad that you are doing your best not to hurt my feelings, too...

I saw the crush that you told one of our friends, you never shared it to me, though. I just heard it from them... Wish I could be that radiant being that blinds your eyes LOL. :((((((((((((((((( (I studied every single detail of her. Darn it! Y u so gifted!?! :<)

It just depresses me that society can be so superficial. Many just look at people's outward appearances. Also, it is cruel to as fellow females. Commercials showing us what we need to look like, how we need to act, how we need to behave or what not. Sigh... Here I am again groveling in my self-pity corner... SIGH

I know I shouldn't change myself for anyone but still it makes me wonder If I was pretty enough for your taste, would you have considered me even if I was your friend?

I know I shouldn't do this but crap I'm just stupid doing this to myself. God, please forgive your insolent child. :(

Just typical Yamada mode (Honey and Clover)

Sigh... Why am I avoiding him? But I must... I want to move on and get you out of my freaking life!!! It's hard especially if you are part of one friend circle. I keep on going beside sugar-koi and the others and not minding him.

I care for him so much but sadly it would never be reciprocated. What's the use of wasting my tears, doing all I can if it will only result to nothing. What the hell is wrong with me to wait for something that I already know will only end to hopelessness. Why should I try my hardest for a guy who would only think of me as a friend and nothing else? I should wait for a guy who would love me just the way I am. Someone who would fall in love with me without me trying anything. They say every single person in the world has someone for them. I'm wondering if mine was actually killed by a train.

Having an honest and long-lasting relationship these days are very rare. Society gives a wrong impression on how love is. Sigh...

But for now, let me cry and count my tears 'til I get over you...

I'm just not the type of girl that a guy woud fall in love with

Hiding my guy friend's name to Sugar-koi :D

A peculiar movie night with my friends. While sitting on the floor, Sugar-koi and I were left behind waiting for the others to return with the snacks which includes Baka-sama(you know what i mean). Sugar-koi asked "Do you hate him?" I just hugged my knees and nonchalantly said no. But deep inside my mind and my heart there were so many things I wanted to say. But somehow I just couldn't share this feeling so completely and expressively as I can. But I think Sugar-koi already understands, I don't need to elaborate it to him. He knows me too very well for his own good, which at times pisses me off. Whenever Baka-sama is sick, Sugar-koi would immediately whisper in my ear and tease me to hug the poor unfortunate soul. Kill this jerk!!! But I would just say the bitter line "Even if I wanted so much to heal him, I'm just not right medicine" Unfortunately, he would completely ignore me and continue shouting "H-U-G" whenever Baka-sama was near. Hahaha but I love this Sugar-koi in a sibling way, don't get any ideas. Glad to have someone who understands, able to hug me and hold my hand without any malice :)

To elaborate my no. There are so many reasons why I should hate Baka-sama but I cannot fathom any ill-will against him. He always bullies me but I guess that is the only way he could communicate with me without any hassle. Yeah there are many sweet moments, too. Too many to mention LOL

But, truth be told he still lingers in my heart, soon, I will forget him. Don't know when or how but I will. I want to move on but how can I if I still hold on to that tiny strand of hope that will lead to nowhere. I am definitely chasing pavements... *sigh* For all the guys why does it have to be with my guy friend. Scumbag life. Hehehe Someday I will know the reason. I must not regret!!!

Forever alone

I am forever kitty alone :<

Blessing in disguise

Hahaha Somehow this is telling my story now. Take note that I'm the quiet girl with the kitty :)

I actually adopted a not-so-lost kitten. I named her Saurent (Saw-ren.) Sorry, but I like giving uncommon names to my beloved pets. It's actually a weird story on how I met her. We just found her strolling outside our dormitory. She was a very amiable kitten, compared to the others that were cautious.

I adopted her last month, Nov.23, 2011. A week prior to the adoption date, she was always playing in front of our dorm. I love petting her whenever I have the chance when I'm about to travel to my classes. But, at the time when I decided to finally adopt her, she was nowhere to be found :( It saddened me to think the time when I accepted her existence she disappears. My dorm mate and I searched and waited for her. Alas, when we both thought all hope was lost she miraculously appeared walking in front of the dorm beside ours. My dorm mate quickly knocked on my room's door and I came running out with the speed of light. (Don't mind me) I was still wearing my sleep clothes... Kind of embarrassing but for the sake of this kitty I must!!! I won't allow her to be out of my sight again!!!

And that's how Saurent and I ended up together :D


(Oh yeah, my crush hugged Saurent and he was like molesting it already LOL- It was so out of character of him) -- If you want to know about this story... Nah, you guys already know it. I CAN'T get over it! I was stupefied 0_O

Well, here we go...

Ummm... Hi!!! Well, this is my first time to make a blog. My friends and I decided to create a group blog. Yay! Not sure to what I'm going to type here but I'll do my best :D

My pen name in this blog, starting now is Fluttershy - one of the adorable main characters of "My Little Pony." Thanks to my beloved comrades I have grown to love this character!!! :D So, with no further ado let me introduce myself. I am 19 years old, a college student, petite for my age and very shy, hence the pen name. What piques my interest is art and nature.

I would really love to post stuff here that may help people in their daily lives, to be able to share to people that they are not alone in the world- if for some unknown reason that the hurdles or what nots that we are facing are similar. So for those dear future and present readers, I welcome you guys in virtual warm embrace <3