Letting Go

I've been over and over this picture in my head,
Gone through every single detail of each scene.
Just standing there.
Rain falling down.
Watching you just fade away.

All the words unspoken,
All the words you've left unsaid.
I try to reach out my hand but I can't
I open my eyes and all I see is nothingness...

It hurts more than the throbbing needle on my vein
It hurts more than a liter of tears streaming bloodshot eyes
And I thought I'd be over crying by now
But I just can't let go of the moments that are gone.

I picture countless ways to end this story.
And I see how its possible that there won't be a sorry.
But its always gonna be one of us walking away.
And its always gonna be one breaking in the end.

Try to reach your hand.
Still can't see a new way out,
All the words are best left behind
We shouldn't have to go back.

Cause it hurts more than cold blood flowing down my vein.
Hurts more than unending tears streaming already bloodshot eyes
And I thought I'd be over breaking by now
But I just can't let go of moments that are gone.

Other Me

It keeps piling up like a tall white mountain
And its burning inside with the pain I keep hiding
It keeps pouring out
I'm certain I'm hearing something
Yes its crashing down
With another thunder clapping

Its not the same... But you don't see,
Another set of eyes looking back at you.
Its not, Its not the same...
But you wont feel the stinging lies it throws
Hidden inside, covered and buried
is the other Me.

Growing cold, standing still
The world's unshaken
Blow by blow I'm slowly falling apart
You tell me when its over,
You walk and begin to fade away.

CHORUS

I'll get up, I'll be fine
Hidden inside
I'll be better than ever before
The Other Me.

~Maybe I should give up on writing songs. I think I should focus on weirdly dramatic cliche plots? Hmmm... But I don't know.

xxx,
K <3

Want to Write Again

Hi guys!

So I realized, I can not stay away from the bright screen. :)) So no need for me to stop blogging. Currently trying to up my fashion blog's archive. I think that blog needs more options, direction, and choices.

Here's what I have been thinking, I have not written anything lately. Not even a school essay. I need a really good mentor to write again. I think. Its sad how when you write and you know its inadequate but your mentor would just shrug and say "Yes, this is good." or "This is perfect." I think no one would be able to better themselves if all mentors were like that... In my case all my mentors were like that. I mean I do study and I learned the best lesson when it comes to writing (which I will now share here)--- to be a writer one has to write. I think I learned that the hard way. I used to just think.

I'd stare at a blank paper and think. And I would think. And think and think. And reject that. In the end my not so good ideas that could possibly be great ideas were never written down. And so I learned to write. Anything on anything. Ideas. Emotions. Frustrations. Fears. Everything on anything actually. On paper that's clean, on paper with doodles and dirt. On cloth. On the wall. On the curtain. In my phone. Just writing.

But lately, I haven't. I have no notes in classes. I have no physical journal (I do read my previous ones and go, "wow, this was what I was like back then" or "so this is what I've been doing" or "I did this? Seriously? This is good.") I have not written anything lately. Not even a doodle on scratch paper when I'm bored in class. (Something I usually do. Is writing not a passion anymore? Can passions even fade away?)

I still believe that people will be judged by passion. And for someone as shallow and blank as I am. I fear. I long to write again.

xxx,
K <3

I am

I need someone to talk to in this cold crazy world,
I look around me but there's nobody there.
All day long I've been making new friends with the shadow,
And the dark comes and they hide away too.

Will you be there when the darkness comes?
When I'm all curled up inside and afraid?
Will you be there to hold unto my hands?
When I'm shaking and breaking apart?
Will you come and hold me?
Will you promise to stay?
And you said, "I am."

Its the start of the night and stars are asleep.
Even angels seem to be hiding cause there's nobody here.
And the world is a bottle and I'm caged up inside.
Left there alone with nobody home.

Will you be here when I open my eyes?
When I'm all curled up inside and afraid?
Will you be here holding my hand?
When I'm shaken and broken apart?
When everything just seems to be changing,
Will you come and hold me?
Will you promise to stay?
And you said, "I am"

And every new day the darkness goes
And the shadows come out again to play.
The star rises up again.
Even still, you said "I am"

~posting something new.

xxx,
K <3

'Cause I haven't written poems in a while.

I'm so frustrated. I said a lot of poetic things last night, but now I can't remember them. I'm not even sure if Haku's the type who remembers the things I said. I remember lines like 'It makes you more aware of your skin' and 'Hence the constant desire to touch' but I can't remember the lines before or after I said them. D: And to think they were really good. Arghh grararararararararararararararara nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnom

Anyway, I'm going to write a poem again because the last time I wrote one is almost a month ago as seen from my old blog. I feel so... uncreative. Why I no write something good? Oh well, whatever. I'll just write something 'postmodern' lol.

Petition

Bees desire honey nectar you don't
Know what you're talking about. This is not
A poem for lovers or enemies, or
Friends kissing on the rail-road tracks.
I love you I love you I don't
Understand a thing about life,
But if I die let the coffin be filled with whipped
Cream and sour sauce dancing like
Tomatoes. Do you know a thing
About sorrow, about regret, about losing
The one you want to keep inside your pocket
Or between your crotch? I love you only
When you're not awake. Then I can touch
Your chest and listen to your breathing. And
I want to stop it like how roller coasters brake,
Step on your feet and tell you to walk
Me to a place where heaven lies. Saintly
Obscurity one by one. On your march
You tell me you love me you tell me you want me
To go,
Don't go don't go don't go.

The Song I Was Talking About

Trapped in coldness' embrace.
I can feel the warmth slowly slipping away.
Lingering on the memory of your face.
I close my eyes and pray it all goes away.

And the pain comes back every night to haunt me.
Swimming in the same scarlet that's inside me.
And the only thing that's left is the darkness and the cold.
There's nothing left to feel.

No, I won't let you get close enough to hurt me.
I won't let you cause the same pain you gave me,
I won't let you back in.
Cause all you ever did do was cut me deeper than the skin.

Broken from a chain of lies.
Can't hear, no matter how loud she cries.
Left inside a web of confusion.
Left without any decision.

And the pain comes back each night and taunts me.
Left drenched in the same scarlet inside me.
There's nothing there to feel.
Just the coldness in the dark.

I won't let you get close enough to hurt me.
I won't let you cause the pain you gave me.
I won't let you in.
Cause all you ever did do was cut me deeper than skin.