I need to start packing as soon as possible for my weekend trip to 'somewhere I don't feel like naming' so this will be quick. Today's been great, so far. I overslept so I didn't get to attend my morning class, but the afternoon went really well (though I decided to skip my afternoon class as well since I had a bit of a headache and I didn't feel prepared for class).
When I finally got to the university at around one or two o'clock in the afternoon, I headed straight for our publication's office. It was the 'waiver distribution day' for this annual seminar in which participants are given the chance to get to know themselves, their organisation, and their craft better. Since the slots were limited, staffers of the publication followed the editors everywhere, anticipating the flight of the to-be-ridiculously-crumpled waiver. When I got there, someone told me there were only four slots remaining, so I decided to just sit down outside the office and hate on myself for being late.
It was when someone got a waiver that I decided to enter the office and join the crowd of 'Waiver Warriors'. One of the editors soon released another waiver, and I fought over it with another staffer (don't worry, it wasn't a violent fight). Feeling completely fortunate for getting a waiver despite having just arrived, I almost forgot to check if the waiver I got was real. I panicked for a while when I saw the writings on the waiver until I realised it was just the media office director's signature.
It was later when I found out that Bollywood Survivor (I know, I'm getting worse at naming people), a friend of mine and a co-staffer, had actually kicked the paper to send it flying towards me. I was so grateful and so glad to have been helped by him. It would definitely be fun to be 'seminar-mates' with him—I just really hope nothing would go wrong so that I can surely go to the seminar and be able to experience my first out-of-town trip ever with my co-staffers and editors.
I soon decided to hang out with Mystique and three other friends (yes, too lazy to name them, but just so I remember them they will be temporarily called Prince of Persia, Double Blast and The Inquisition). Mystique and I spent the time talking about the food situation in the country whilst the three dudes talked about derpy things. At some point, we were all exclaiming 'aww' because Double Blast looked adorable in his primary school photos. Soon enough, Weirdo and Haku arrived. The guys wanted to play video games so Weirdo decided to go with them. Haku, Mystique and I decided to go to a Japanese place and have dinner there.
Dinner at the Japanese place made me realise how much I missed my late-night conversations with Haku and Mystique from last year. It used to be that, whilst waiting for Mystique to finish her night class, Haku and I would hang out somewhere and just have really random conversations. Once Mystique is done, we would then grab dinner from somewhere cheap and plan out things we wanted to do for the rest of the year. Though we didn't get to do all of the plans, most of them were a success. We held a pagan ritual in September, a photoshoot for Athene's class in November, a Yule Ball in December and a rather delayed Tea Party in January, I think.
Remembering those times, I think I want to do more fun activities with Haku, Mystique and the rest of our friends. This, I know, is what I've been wishing for all my life: two best friends who I could be at my stupidest, ugliest and saddest with, and yet they still stand by me no matter what. They even bring balance to the equation: Haku tends to spoil me and do all he can to make me smile again, but Mystique knows how to make me give myself reality checks and bitch slaps.
Tomorrow (or in a few hours, actually) I leave for a country where my brother is currently at to support his athletic career. I'm so proud of my brother (I never got this far when I was still doing his current sport) and I believe he will go places in life. I've also got to finish writing a story by today because it's the deadline my editor set for me. I suppose, what I'm trying to say is that I'd love to talk more about my friends, but I think I've got to either pack or get some rest now. I'll let you all know how it goes. Now, it's adventure time!
xoxo,
Chihiro
Showing posts with label Mystique. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mystique. Show all posts
Friday, 3 August 2012
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Chihiro's blogging hiatus is over.
Bonjour, mes amis! I've missed you all. After spending time with Kleenex and Fluttershy today, I realised how I probably should go back to blogging. Certain conversations with people have led me to allow myself to open up again, and as a part of my blogging comeback this post will mostly be a life update post. Prepare yourself for a bit of negativity though—it's been rather terrible for me recently, and I shall finally enumerate the reasons behind the sudden weather shift in my life.
I. It starts with a betrayal.
Just to give you a bit of a background, last year around May 2011 I decided to move out of the dorm beside my university. Just in time, my ex dorm mate asked me if I wanted to rent the extra room in her flat just across the university. It was a great opportunity especially since we were friends anyway, and even when I was still living in the dorm I sometimes slept over at her place for movie marathons.
Flash forward to early July 2012. The morning after I visited Haku's place, my mother suddenly entered the flat and told me, 'We need to talk.' Turns out, my flatmate told her of how I'd bring Haku to the flat, and how sometimes I come 'home' really late. In case you didn't know, Haku and I are in a forbidden relationship. Coming from a conservative fundamentalist religion, I am not allowed to date anyone who's outside of my religion. Haku's a Catholic. I myself do not really subscribe to the beliefs of my religion, but being my father's daughter I am obliged to stay in the Church and 'obey God's Words'.
Now, thanks to my flatmate's betrayal, my mother found out about me and Haku. At some point, I had to admit to her that I also used to date the guy who I once introduced to her as my best friend (we shall call him Otaku, since he was sort of an otaku anyway). Because of this betrayal, my mother decided to keep a close watch on me. She wanted me to break up with Haku, and I believe that she's secretly texting my flatmate (shall we call her 'Stabbington'?) just to get information about me.
The thing about my mother is that she cares so much about my father's love for the religion that she, too, wants me to stay in the Church even after I finally told her about my beliefs. Somehow, I can understand that. She loves my father; it's only natural for her to care about how my excommunication would make him feel. But because of her fear and natural concern as a parent, she's gotten more overprotective than ever. She doesn't like it when I'm still out at around 10pm, and she always has to ask who I'm with and what I'm doing. I think she even asked Otaku to add me on Facebook because he added my family-only account. She probably thinks Otaku's a better bloke for me given how he almost converted to our religion. (For the record, I myself don't want Haku to convert because I don't want to stay in that Church.)
My parents love me and I know that. Parents typically think they've got their children's best interests at heart. Whilst I appreciate all the things my parents have done for me, it just breaks my heart to know that there will always be this unacceptable part of me. That someday, because of our differences, I might get disowned or be forced to leave them.
II. It's followed by the darkest thoughts at night.
Sometimes, I'm so in despair I wonder what would happen if I swallowed 30 depressants all at once. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm really going anywhere in life. These are confessions I shared with my soul sisters Kleenex and Fluttershy today. And these are confessions I am not afraid of typing down right now. I've lost sleep, I've been getting more headaches than usual, and some days I just can't seem to stop crying. I've become a waterfall, a walking fountain of pain. Some days I convince myself it will all be okay, but often times I can't seem to find faith in myself.
III. They hold my hand, and I can keep holding on.
It's a tough time for me, but I'm surrounded by the most loving people on Earth and they are the reason why I do not descend into the darkness. Haku, Mystique, Boobs, Persephone, Weirdo, Fluttershy, Kleenex, all the people whose code names I've yet to think of... they are all very lovely people and I'm grateful for how they support me in their own ways. They never get tired of my ceaseless useless ranting, and they offered the love, comfort and acceptance I wish I had from my parents. Sometimes, your biological family aren't always the people your heart will consider to be your true family.
I realise now that I can keep moving forward. I'm scared, and I still can't seem to stop getting emotional about it, but I'm just glad to have people cheering me on along the way. I've still yet to find a good part-time job, and I have yet to start the new blog encouraging love in all its forms. But right now, despite my fear and confusion, it warms my heart to know that there will always be people who believe in me. And that I do not walk alone in this world.
Much love for you all.
xoxo,
Chihiro
I. It starts with a betrayal.
Just to give you a bit of a background, last year around May 2011 I decided to move out of the dorm beside my university. Just in time, my ex dorm mate asked me if I wanted to rent the extra room in her flat just across the university. It was a great opportunity especially since we were friends anyway, and even when I was still living in the dorm I sometimes slept over at her place for movie marathons.
Flash forward to early July 2012. The morning after I visited Haku's place, my mother suddenly entered the flat and told me, 'We need to talk.' Turns out, my flatmate told her of how I'd bring Haku to the flat, and how sometimes I come 'home' really late. In case you didn't know, Haku and I are in a forbidden relationship. Coming from a conservative fundamentalist religion, I am not allowed to date anyone who's outside of my religion. Haku's a Catholic. I myself do not really subscribe to the beliefs of my religion, but being my father's daughter I am obliged to stay in the Church and 'obey God's Words'.
Now, thanks to my flatmate's betrayal, my mother found out about me and Haku. At some point, I had to admit to her that I also used to date the guy who I once introduced to her as my best friend (we shall call him Otaku, since he was sort of an otaku anyway). Because of this betrayal, my mother decided to keep a close watch on me. She wanted me to break up with Haku, and I believe that she's secretly texting my flatmate (shall we call her 'Stabbington'?) just to get information about me.
The thing about my mother is that she cares so much about my father's love for the religion that she, too, wants me to stay in the Church even after I finally told her about my beliefs. Somehow, I can understand that. She loves my father; it's only natural for her to care about how my excommunication would make him feel. But because of her fear and natural concern as a parent, she's gotten more overprotective than ever. She doesn't like it when I'm still out at around 10pm, and she always has to ask who I'm with and what I'm doing. I think she even asked Otaku to add me on Facebook because he added my family-only account. She probably thinks Otaku's a better bloke for me given how he almost converted to our religion. (For the record, I myself don't want Haku to convert because I don't want to stay in that Church.)
My parents love me and I know that. Parents typically think they've got their children's best interests at heart. Whilst I appreciate all the things my parents have done for me, it just breaks my heart to know that there will always be this unacceptable part of me. That someday, because of our differences, I might get disowned or be forced to leave them.
II. It's followed by the darkest thoughts at night.
Sometimes, I'm so in despair I wonder what would happen if I swallowed 30 depressants all at once. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm really going anywhere in life. These are confessions I shared with my soul sisters Kleenex and Fluttershy today. And these are confessions I am not afraid of typing down right now. I've lost sleep, I've been getting more headaches than usual, and some days I just can't seem to stop crying. I've become a waterfall, a walking fountain of pain. Some days I convince myself it will all be okay, but often times I can't seem to find faith in myself.
III. They hold my hand, and I can keep holding on.
It's a tough time for me, but I'm surrounded by the most loving people on Earth and they are the reason why I do not descend into the darkness. Haku, Mystique, Boobs, Persephone, Weirdo, Fluttershy, Kleenex, all the people whose code names I've yet to think of... they are all very lovely people and I'm grateful for how they support me in their own ways. They never get tired of my ceaseless useless ranting, and they offered the love, comfort and acceptance I wish I had from my parents. Sometimes, your biological family aren't always the people your heart will consider to be your true family.
I realise now that I can keep moving forward. I'm scared, and I still can't seem to stop getting emotional about it, but I'm just glad to have people cheering me on along the way. I've still yet to find a good part-time job, and I have yet to start the new blog encouraging love in all its forms. But right now, despite my fear and confusion, it warms my heart to know that there will always be people who believe in me. And that I do not walk alone in this world.
Much love for you all.
xoxo,
Chihiro
Thursday, 9 February 2012
Bright Side Challenge: Day 2
I know Haku wanted me to go to bed as soon as I could, but I wanted to post my Day 2 response just so I could at least prove to myself that I'll finish a challenge without cheating on days or whatever this time. (Tis a long story.) And Haku, if you're reading this, I seriously promise that I'll go to sleep after posting this without any sidequests whatsoever (except for transferring five songs to my phone). It's a royal promise.
Day 2
Mystique and Haku. I think that's good enough for today, especially since I really do need sleep as Haku had pointed out.
Okay, that's it. G'night.
Day 2
Mystique and Haku. I think that's good enough for today, especially since I really do need sleep as Haku had pointed out.
Okay, that's it. G'night.
Monday, 6 February 2012
The Price You Pay For Enlightenment.
I know I haven't finished my Hasa Diga Eebowai review yet, but I want to type this down before I get too lazy. Hasa Diga Eebowai can wait. This is something of extreme weirdness to me, and I know I should perhaps be somehow frightened but I'm only puzzled and I don't know what to make of this at all.
Yesterday afternoon upon arriving at the flat, I plopped down the bed and immediately fell asleep. It was around 5:30pm if I'm not mistaken. I only wanted to take a short nap, but it ended up descending into a deep slumber and so I slept till 12:40am. I suppose I've got my REM stage to blame for it. Normally I'm like meh about my dreams, but for some reason last night's dream really struck me in a bizarre way. What was even weirder is that I was lucid, and yet I didn't try to change anything about it. Here goes.
The setting was at my university. Being lucid in the dream, I knew that it was set in the future. Most of my friends have already graduated, but they were on their way to pick me and Mystique up after the rally. There was a new president, you see, and along with the new presidency was the new government. My schoolmates weren't very happy about it, as the president (who's a local female celebrity) had declared that the country will go from questionable democracy to utter fascism. I was part of those who were against it, but since 80% of the school population were protesting anyway the government decided to eradicate all students, professors and other random people in my school completely. So the military went to attack the school and proceeded to kill everyone. I hid in random places with Mystique until we could finally escape from the school. When we finally got to escape, we tried to seek refuge in certain places but we couldn't stay there for long since the military knew that we were still alive. At some point we had to hide inside lockers in an abandoned building when the military came to look for us. We even tried to hitch a ride to the province, but no one wanted to take us since it was really dangerous. Finally, out of despair and exhaustion, I surrendered to the military when they looked for us in a department store. I was shot in the chest, and then everything faded into white. Since I knew it was a dream, I was right when I presumed that I won't really die and that there'll be another scene. So in the next scene I found myself waking up in a Victorian Spanish-style mansion. A middle-aged lady was taking care of me, and Mystique immediately came to see me when I woke up. That's when I saw all the others who have graduated by then—Pretty Girl, Delirium, Kamen Rider and Haku. Apparently they all got injured in the massacre, but the injuries weren't fatal or anything. Then I tried to peek outside and I saw that we were actually inside a tree. That's when my flatmate came back, so I woke up.
Symbolically I know what my dream means, but it was so vivid that I'm afraid it might turn into reality to a certain extent in the future. Then again, I only have prophetic dreams about love, so I've got high hopes that this won't come true.
I'll be off now. I've been up ever since 12:40 trying to clean my room and I'm rather tired. The bad news is that I've got class in an hour. Oh well.
Yesterday afternoon upon arriving at the flat, I plopped down the bed and immediately fell asleep. It was around 5:30pm if I'm not mistaken. I only wanted to take a short nap, but it ended up descending into a deep slumber and so I slept till 12:40am. I suppose I've got my REM stage to blame for it. Normally I'm like meh about my dreams, but for some reason last night's dream really struck me in a bizarre way. What was even weirder is that I was lucid, and yet I didn't try to change anything about it. Here goes.
The setting was at my university. Being lucid in the dream, I knew that it was set in the future. Most of my friends have already graduated, but they were on their way to pick me and Mystique up after the rally. There was a new president, you see, and along with the new presidency was the new government. My schoolmates weren't very happy about it, as the president (who's a local female celebrity) had declared that the country will go from questionable democracy to utter fascism. I was part of those who were against it, but since 80% of the school population were protesting anyway the government decided to eradicate all students, professors and other random people in my school completely. So the military went to attack the school and proceeded to kill everyone. I hid in random places with Mystique until we could finally escape from the school. When we finally got to escape, we tried to seek refuge in certain places but we couldn't stay there for long since the military knew that we were still alive. At some point we had to hide inside lockers in an abandoned building when the military came to look for us. We even tried to hitch a ride to the province, but no one wanted to take us since it was really dangerous. Finally, out of despair and exhaustion, I surrendered to the military when they looked for us in a department store. I was shot in the chest, and then everything faded into white. Since I knew it was a dream, I was right when I presumed that I won't really die and that there'll be another scene. So in the next scene I found myself waking up in a Victorian Spanish-style mansion. A middle-aged lady was taking care of me, and Mystique immediately came to see me when I woke up. That's when I saw all the others who have graduated by then—Pretty Girl, Delirium, Kamen Rider and Haku. Apparently they all got injured in the massacre, but the injuries weren't fatal or anything. Then I tried to peek outside and I saw that we were actually inside a tree. That's when my flatmate came back, so I woke up.
Symbolically I know what my dream means, but it was so vivid that I'm afraid it might turn into reality to a certain extent in the future. Then again, I only have prophetic dreams about love, so I've got high hopes that this won't come true.
I'll be off now. I've been up ever since 12:40 trying to clean my room and I'm rather tired. The bad news is that I've got class in an hour. Oh well.
Saturday, 28 January 2012
A Realisation.
An excerpt from a YM conversation between me and Mystique:
Me: i had so much hope for us.
Mystique: is perfectly normal
Mystique: and there still is
Mystique: you know better than that
Mystique: this isn't a test
Mystique: it's how you deal with eachother knowing more about eachother that will be the real test
Mystique: you don't know everything you need to know yet
Mystique: and neither does he
Mystique: do yourself a favour and don't make conclusions for yourself
Mystique: be self aware
Mystique: remember
Mystique: everything is all in your head
Mystique: you need to figure out what you truly feel and want before making any assumptions about the future
Mystique: i feel like i'm talking to myself
Mystique: lol
Me: i have an idea
Me: despite this rage needing to express itself in me,
Me: my feelings actually seem to be clearer
Me: i wouldn't be this distraught if i didn't care, and if i didn't want us to hold on
Me: and that i'm just really hurt about what happened, and that it's the feeling of me being perpetually alone resurfacing all over again
Me: so, i'll be honest and tell both you and myself that i love that fucker, but at the same time i don't like this feeling of how my feelings are being neglected
Me: how he doesn't show what he tells me
Me: and that all i want is for {haku} to actually show that he means what he says
Me: to grow a pair
Me: but then again, i don't want to demand that change. i want him to change for himself, not me.
Mystique: that was perfectly executed
Mystique: bravo
I guess this is pretty much self-explanatory.
Adding this because LOL:
Me: by the way
Me: slightly embarrassing explanation to what you're about to see
Me: in this blog, i call myself chihiro mainly because whilst watching spirited away i could relate with how chihiro feared practically everything
Me: and i talked to {haku} about it. he said, well if i need to fly or something of the sort (can't remember the exact words) then i could just give him a call, 'cause he's a dragon after all. so yeah, he assigned himself as haku.
Me: which is why in the blog, i call him haku.
Me: urgh okay embarrassing moving on~
Mystique: that's so cute
Mystique: =))
Mystique: okay
Mystique: now we can move on
Me: i had so much hope for us.
Mystique: is perfectly normal
Mystique: and there still is
Mystique: you know better than that
Mystique: this isn't a test
Mystique: it's how you deal with eachother knowing more about eachother that will be the real test
Mystique: you don't know everything you need to know yet
Mystique: and neither does he
Mystique: do yourself a favour and don't make conclusions for yourself
Mystique: be self aware
Mystique: remember
Mystique: everything is all in your head
Mystique: you need to figure out what you truly feel and want before making any assumptions about the future
Mystique: i feel like i'm talking to myself
Mystique: lol
Me: i have an idea
Me: despite this rage needing to express itself in me,
Me: my feelings actually seem to be clearer
Me: i wouldn't be this distraught if i didn't care, and if i didn't want us to hold on
Me: and that i'm just really hurt about what happened, and that it's the feeling of me being perpetually alone resurfacing all over again
Me: so, i'll be honest and tell both you and myself that i love that fucker, but at the same time i don't like this feeling of how my feelings are being neglected
Me: how he doesn't show what he tells me
Me: and that all i want is for {haku} to actually show that he means what he says
Me: to grow a pair
Me: but then again, i don't want to demand that change. i want him to change for himself, not me.
Mystique: that was perfectly executed
Mystique: bravo
I guess this is pretty much self-explanatory.
Adding this because LOL:
Me: by the way
Me: slightly embarrassing explanation to what you're about to see
Me: in this blog, i call myself chihiro mainly because whilst watching spirited away i could relate with how chihiro feared practically everything
Me: and i talked to {haku} about it. he said, well if i need to fly or something of the sort (can't remember the exact words) then i could just give him a call, 'cause he's a dragon after all. so yeah, he assigned himself as haku.
Me: which is why in the blog, i call him haku.
Me: urgh okay embarrassing moving on~
Mystique: that's so cute
Mystique: =))
Mystique: okay
Mystique: now we can move on
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