I am not bound by anyone's rules but myself.

The past few months, I've been hating on the world because of how I felt like I was living only to please everyone around me. Do this, do that, be this, be that... It got to the point that I wanted to kill myself because of all of it. And then when I stopped trying to kill myself, I had to stop myself from strangling every person I encountered. So I locked myself up away from people and started seeing even my closest friends less. I'm glad, though, that I've got friends who didn't give up. Though they probably won't get to read this, I'd still like to thank Persephone for dealing with me as patiently as she could along with subtly holding my hand through the dark path, and Haku for believing in me. Mind you, I'm not thanking just them because of favouritism or lack of gratitude for everyone else, but I feel like they deserve special mentions due to how they stood by me despite my general anger at the world. They knew what I needed and because of that I believe that I've learnt more about life and about myself. They've been dealing with problems too, but they never let those problems get to them to the point of judging me (which of course I can't say for myself, because every time I've got problems I just judge everyone lol). I'm sorry you had to listen to my countless rants about the system (bahaha) and that you had to witness me losing bits of my sanity. You lot made me feel strong when I thought I was the weakest person in the world. And because of your love, I realised something I should've realised a long time ago:

I am not bound by anyone's rules but myself.

See, I thought I've been living to please people, but the truth is I've been living to please myself. And the only way to please myself is by getting approval from people around me. I relied so much on approval that I "crumbled" when I felt like I wasn't getting it. I based my identity not on what I want but on what other people wanted, and because of that I felt like a failure every time someone wasn't happy with me. Then I realised, why should I have this selfish paradigm about the world? Like what the second agreement says, Don't take things personally. All my life, I've been taking everything personally. I hated being laughed at as a kid because I thought I was being dumb or something. I hated getting insults from people because I took them personally. I even hated advice because I feel like people see me as a weak fool everytime they give me advice. But is that really the case? Everything we do is a reflection of our own perspectives, our own dreams. And these perspectives are not always right. So if someone says I'm dumb, that doesn't really mean I'm dumb, does it? The person might think that I'm dumb, but should that matter to me? I am not that person. I am me. If I believe the person who says that I'm dumb, then I lose myself in the process because I accept this perspective without even questioning its authenticity. It's like accepting trash from other people. Whilst it's not bad to take constructive criticism, it is definitely bad if I let it affect my way of thinking about myself. And though there are many things wrong with me, if other people say so then I shouldn't take it personally. It's not because they are wrong and I am right, it's just because that's coming from their own perspectives, and let's face it--in a world with billions of paradigms, no one can claim that he or she is the one who speaks the truth. It's only a matter of doing your best for this lifetime, and living life with both a sense of responsibility and positivity.

That being said, I am here to say that I know I've been too pessimistic and irresponsible for words, but I am going to change that. I will live my life to the fullest, and I will not take things personally. I will refrain from hating on the world and feeling miserable about my life, because I've been blessed to have such wonderful friends and family who stand by me no matter what. I will be impeccable with my word, I will not taking anything personally, I will not make assumptions and I will always do my best. It's easier said than done, but I will live my life by these agreements. If happiness is a mythical creature, then I will not be the cryptozoologist who is forever searching for it. Instead, I will be the genetic engineer--I will create it, and I can.

I will be the surfer--Ready to take on the waves, responsible and alert enough to sense and avoid a possible wipeout, brave to swim through an unstoppable wipeout and positive enough to enjoy the fact that I am a surfer in this ocean called life.