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Hey guys,

This blog needs attention. How are you Tissue Poets? :)

xxx,
K<3

Love

Love could mean a lot of things to different people. It could mean security to some. Comfort to others.  Whenever I think of love I think of mother Theresa and how she said that love is of pain.

“I love you…” these words echoed in my head as the ringing continued. He did it again. I was half awake when his hand landed quite aggressively on my right ear. It echoed continuously as my ear began to ring from the hard smack I got so early in the morning. “I love you.”

A lot of people have told me I trust to easily. A kiss on the forehead, “stand against the wall,” he said. A hard hit on my stomach. He smiled. “I love you.”

A slap on my left cheek. Hard and crisp and unexpected. “I’m doing this because I love you.”

Something flew. I hide in my room. It hits me. Black, blue, purple, and green on my right leg. “ I love you.”

Love comes in different forms and sizes. I grew up with fairytales. And it was conflicting to grow up with such love existing and my kind of love existing in one universe. I realized that my love was real, and that it was pure. And that the pain was necessary to make me better. Make me strong. That was love for me.

And I was wrong. The bruises will fade. The scars healed. But the heaviness in my heart grows. Troubling. What is love? And where does it come from?

A crying woman, in pain, and dying. I was not moved. She whispered, “I’m sorry.” And the line went flat.

And I said, “I love you too.”

xxx, 

K <3

P.s

Take it as you read it. 

How She Made Me A Liar

This is how the text conversation went:

Her (H): UR A BIG LIAR

Me (M): Excuse me?

H: I know *insert daughter's name* s der.

M: She isn't.

H: Really? We wil see.

M: I can't change you of your beliefs. But don't accuse people they are liars. It simply isn't done. And its rather rude. I'm sorry if I am sounding a little off my manners here but you, texting me, quite early at that, and telling me I'm a liar is wrong.

H: I know u mean well letting her stay wit  u. But pls b honest f she's der or not. Bcuz f not, her boyfriend s lying wid us 2. Pls don't let *name* manipulate us all. Wer just concernd. Tnx.

M: I'm sorry. I'd rather not tarnish what little left of my dignity and reputation. In that note, I'll stoptexting too, like I stopped texting/taking *name*'s calls.

~~~~~texts stops for minutes~~~~~~


H: So, pls tel me wats d name f ur friend where *name* stayd? I need 2 know.

H: Give me ur frend's name or else we will c 2 it dat *name* will stay wid u.

M: Please. Just stop. You don't even have your facts right. I'm not judging you. But, first you accuse me of a liar. Now you are saying its not my house but my friend's. See, where is the logic in this argument?

Please don't threaten me like this. I highly respect you. But shouldn't you be talking to your daughter instead of harassing me with your slanders.

H: I know she contacted u & I have gatherd dat she's mentioning ur name 2 dos am talking 2. Sori, but am so angry right now!




****This is  posted for transparency. I don't get how just cause the boyfriend called the parents immediately I am the liar. And secondly, I've known this girl for half a decade now, this is the first time it happened, also she happens to be dating that guy, so why couldn't they figure the guy as the liar? Thirdly, why don't they ask the girl? She told me she was texting her dad. Was she lying to me too?

Trust is the most valuable commodity in the society. I won't ruin trust just to protect people. I am raised with values.

Not sure what I feel.

xxx,
K <3

Regarding Kleenex and Pregnancy

Dear Kleenex,

 Know that no matter what you choose to do with this situation, I am here supporting you and I won't judge you. It'd be cool if this was just a false alarm, but if it isn't, I'd like you to remember that your body is yours and that whatever you do with it is your business and not anybody else's. Choose what you think you can handle. Can you handle being a mother now, or can you handle the possible outcomes of an abortion? Also, with the Philippines being a fundamentalist Catholic country, you'd have to look for an abortionist very discreetly. I'll be willing to help you find one if you must do it. I am your friend. All I want for you is to be safe and that you make the decision carefully in the end. I really hope this is just a pregnancy scare as I wouldn't want you to have to go through all this. I love you, and I'm here to support you. Never forget that. 

Love,
Chihiro

Neglected

This blog has not seen a post for quite sometime now. So I'm dropping one now. :)


Its defense week. :) I still haven't finished my business plan (which I will defend on Thursday.) Its okay I guess, I have the most awesome adviser. She doesn't advise. Nor does she teach. She gave me an outline just so I have an idea on what I'm doing and because I'm a ninja I googled. LO AND BEHOLD, she just got it online. What the hell. I'm starting to doubt the education system of this country...

Its almost October. :) I have seminar end of the month. My grandmum's birthday is also on October. And its the dreaded month of sembreak. (which is really just a week for enrollment.)

xxx,
K<3

In the next future

Hi guys,

I can almost feel the end of college. (Three cheers!) Its these kind of cramming moments where you wake up at wee hours to finish your required work that I will miss. I will keep this short because I have a class in an hour or so and I still haven't done any of my preparations (like change my school books from yesterday's class to today's lecture handouts.)

In the event of that very near future let's all go out and travel. (And by we I do mean us three!) Why? Because we've never done it. And because its a start of a new adventure and I propose we do it with heaps of swag.

I happened to chance upon this photo will checking one of my friends blog's. (I don't think the photo is hers, I think its one of her friends' photo.) We can start with this since its considerably near, just a few hours ride. :) It would just be like going out to party in the city except overseas. :)

yes! those are candies growing from a tree, and they look so adorable!

It would be wonderful if we all did something spectacular soon! :)

I should drag my ass to school now. :) Love you heaps!

xxx,
K <3

Constant Denial

I suppose you guys have learned of my facebook page's deactivation. There are numerous reasons for that, but its primarily just the "escape." Escape sums all the excuses for its (what's the term?) I dunno what to call it, for its death. LOL

Escape what? You might ask, for starters there is a bitch of a person that I don't know who keeps sending me messages. And in some other more developed countries I believe its harassing when people do that. In most cases they would press charges, but in this country because we are so jolly and accommodating we don't do that. We only ignore things even if you get harassed by malicious content. I'm quite the little borderline sexually perverted kid, so when I say its filled with malicious content I do mean just that.

Excuse number two (2), I am escaping the contact. I'm usually always on Facebook, if I'm not in front of a computer, my mobile keeps me connected through the social media. I don't want people to reach me. If you're asking me which people I'm talking about. There's the number one person, which I have freely forgiven, as to the acceptance of the forgiveness I'm not too sure. Then there's the number two, a group of people that I later found out to be unworthy of trust. Sure, they can contact me via mobile. BUT, of course text messaging is a two way street, and unlike Facebook messaging there is not a green dot that tell people you are active and you are truly online. They can only hope that I got the message and pray in all their hearts that I respond. (Now ofcourse, I do not. I don't even take calls from school especially before 8am and past 5pm; and in extreme cases at noon.)

Excuse number three (3), the general detachment from everyone. Excluding you guys of course, since I love you all and I always keep you posted. :) Its just right now I don't want anything or anyone to influence anything in me. I just see random things posted by random people in Facebook and it hits me, and that's just very much a big deal for me. It makes me want to do the most random things saps would do. Like oh, I don't know, cry maybe?

Facebook is a waste of my time, I look at it in this way, if I stop using Facebook I can use my free time to study and focus on more trivial matters. I can socialize by seeing people and not by clicking keys and looking through a screen. It leads to a more personal relationship. HOHOHOHO.

I'm not saying its hard, I have to constantly deny myself of re-activating my account just so I can give myself momentary satisfaction and know what's happening with most people I care about and can only contact through the social network. (which also leads us to excuse number (4), the craving to know what goes on into other people's lives, and to stalk their every update.)

It will be for the best I guess. It has to be.

xxx,
K <3