By Some Stroke of Insanity

I sent him a message last night, I think it has something to do with letting go of him and the idea of us ever getting back to a previous stage in our lives. "Past would not be past if I don't let it." that's part of what I said to him.

I have deleted and saved and deleted (the cycle goes on) his number so many times I can't keep count. And of course after I deleted it some time ago, I felt the need to send him a message last night. It was about 3 or four messages long. Just ranted how I felt at 10 PM. He didn't respond, I believe in signs, and I took that as a sign. We were never gonna be together again.

I sent him another message. I guess I have this longing to hear from him again. I knew he would react if it was a hostile message. So I sent him "I can tell, you never did try. Right now, I'd rather go to hell, than shake your hand and wish you well." Of course when he responded I pretended that that was intended for a group. He accepted that reason. Skeptically.

I don't know what I want from him. I really don't. I don't even know how I feel now. Do I love him still? Don't I love him anymore? I still care. That's for sure. But I don't know why I still do.

I feel pain and hurt. And care. And most of the time when I think of him I cry. But hey, I can't rush things right? I wrote a song. About the pain. Maybe its even a wish. Maybe I'm unstable. Or maybe by some stroke of insanity I still can't let him go.

Kleenex
P.S. I might publish the song here. I MIGHT.