Love

Love could mean a lot of things to different people. It could mean security to some. Comfort to others.  Whenever I think of love I think of mother Theresa and how she said that love is of pain.

“I love you…” these words echoed in my head as the ringing continued. He did it again. I was half awake when his hand landed quite aggressively on my right ear. It echoed continuously as my ear began to ring from the hard smack I got so early in the morning. “I love you.”

A lot of people have told me I trust to easily. A kiss on the forehead, “stand against the wall,” he said. A hard hit on my stomach. He smiled. “I love you.”

A slap on my left cheek. Hard and crisp and unexpected. “I’m doing this because I love you.”

Something flew. I hide in my room. It hits me. Black, blue, purple, and green on my right leg. “ I love you.”

Love comes in different forms and sizes. I grew up with fairytales. And it was conflicting to grow up with such love existing and my kind of love existing in one universe. I realized that my love was real, and that it was pure. And that the pain was necessary to make me better. Make me strong. That was love for me.

And I was wrong. The bruises will fade. The scars healed. But the heaviness in my heart grows. Troubling. What is love? And where does it come from?

A crying woman, in pain, and dying. I was not moved. She whispered, “I’m sorry.” And the line went flat.

And I said, “I love you too.”

xxx, 

K <3

P.s

Take it as you read it. 

How She Made Me A Liar

This is how the text conversation went:

Her (H): UR A BIG LIAR

Me (M): Excuse me?

H: I know *insert daughter's name* s der.

M: She isn't.

H: Really? We wil see.

M: I can't change you of your beliefs. But don't accuse people they are liars. It simply isn't done. And its rather rude. I'm sorry if I am sounding a little off my manners here but you, texting me, quite early at that, and telling me I'm a liar is wrong.

H: I know u mean well letting her stay wit  u. But pls b honest f she's der or not. Bcuz f not, her boyfriend s lying wid us 2. Pls don't let *name* manipulate us all. Wer just concernd. Tnx.

M: I'm sorry. I'd rather not tarnish what little left of my dignity and reputation. In that note, I'll stoptexting too, like I stopped texting/taking *name*'s calls.

~~~~~texts stops for minutes~~~~~~


H: So, pls tel me wats d name f ur friend where *name* stayd? I need 2 know.

H: Give me ur frend's name or else we will c 2 it dat *name* will stay wid u.

M: Please. Just stop. You don't even have your facts right. I'm not judging you. But, first you accuse me of a liar. Now you are saying its not my house but my friend's. See, where is the logic in this argument?

Please don't threaten me like this. I highly respect you. But shouldn't you be talking to your daughter instead of harassing me with your slanders.

H: I know she contacted u & I have gatherd dat she's mentioning ur name 2 dos am talking 2. Sori, but am so angry right now!




****This is  posted for transparency. I don't get how just cause the boyfriend called the parents immediately I am the liar. And secondly, I've known this girl for half a decade now, this is the first time it happened, also she happens to be dating that guy, so why couldn't they figure the guy as the liar? Thirdly, why don't they ask the girl? She told me she was texting her dad. Was she lying to me too?

Trust is the most valuable commodity in the society. I won't ruin trust just to protect people. I am raised with values.

Not sure what I feel.

xxx,
K <3

Regarding Kleenex and Pregnancy

Dear Kleenex,

 Know that no matter what you choose to do with this situation, I am here supporting you and I won't judge you. It'd be cool if this was just a false alarm, but if it isn't, I'd like you to remember that your body is yours and that whatever you do with it is your business and not anybody else's. Choose what you think you can handle. Can you handle being a mother now, or can you handle the possible outcomes of an abortion? Also, with the Philippines being a fundamentalist Catholic country, you'd have to look for an abortionist very discreetly. I'll be willing to help you find one if you must do it. I am your friend. All I want for you is to be safe and that you make the decision carefully in the end. I really hope this is just a pregnancy scare as I wouldn't want you to have to go through all this. I love you, and I'm here to support you. Never forget that. 

Love,
Chihiro