Sunday 25 March 2012

On no longer being a teen (birthday and everyday after)

It will not come as a surprise when I say that I have been playing the part of a young adult for five days now. Yes, it is true. I have left that stage of teen aged life filled with fun and carefree vibe. A phase where I could not care less of what happens to the world. Now of course I am not exactly "uncaring". (Long talks on economy and politics and the world would go here but thats not the point.)

So what is the point? The point is simple (although it will not be a hard hitting expose on maturity.) I can no longer be a clueless teenager who uses my age as an excuse to walk around in the world acting all dramatic. I have to own up to my actions now. I know I should have started owning up to my actions years ago, but being the youngest of three, I kind of got used to the point-you-finger-to-your-older-sister-and-smile. I could get away with murder if I did that. And a lot of people hated me for it.

What is it like to be a grown up? Growing up is a state of mind, but let's just set parameters here, the grown up part I am talking about is, me being 20 and not prefix-teen. As the clock struck 12 on the 21st of March I was fast asleep. But soon after it was like my body telling me that I have aged a year ( the love-hate part about birthdays, its an annual thing) I woke up, and I couldn't sleep. And what does one do when she wakes up in the middle of the night? (Technically its the beginning of a day but whatever that's what people say so let's just go with it.) She could eat (which I did.) She would check her phone (which I also did.) And she would go on every known social media in the world (facebook, twitter, tumblr, etc,.)

I feel like its a good year for me, but I don't know if its just me, this year I felt alone. For the most part of the day it was true, no dinner together with my family (at least not the whole lot of my family which consists of parents and two sisters.) No party with my friends. Sure I did get a lot of greetings. Maybe its superficial, but I felt a hint of sadness, of loneliness, of emptiness. There was a hollow in my heart. (no talks about the heart and tear jerking here I promise.) I guess that's how people feel when they age? I don't know I'm new at this.

I spent my day alone. And then I met with my students. Who are children with issues like being an army brat or a rich brat or just a brat, or a bully, personally I think they have shallow excuses and are just plain rude, but I believe I will learn to handle people here I mean if you can make a brat listen to you for half an hour I think you can sweet talk your way to the president's ear.

The following day was the same as my birthday, people greets me happy birthday via whatever medium, I still am alone, then I teach a class. That was the same for the remainder of the week up until the weekend.

The changes were basic, I get scolded more often by my parents now. My other relatives pressure me to get my grades up because apparently 2.0s are Asian Fs. (Really funny) And then there's grade-buying which is very tempting but I don't know. I feel like my 2.0 is enough. (You should here my professors do sales talk, this would convince you they belong in the college of business even if they suck at teaching.) And then there's also sucking your way to get a higher grade. :/

Highlights (cause those sound really depressing), I created a group (which I feel would be just snakes hanging around waiting to poison you) called vente, its just a crowd of 20 year olds hanging together then it started raining and we had no choice but to chill together and just talk.

Another thing is watching Hunger Games, when I heard about it I was quite excited actually, and it didn't disappoint.

Going to church was also good. Although I felt like God's answer to my prayer was quite odd, the answer was simple and direct "don't compromise" I just didn't know what He was talking about. Don't compromise what? And I have been praying for my heart, my ever troubled heart. What does that mean? Sigh... Its just confusing at times really.


So that's what I have been doing.

xxx,
K <3

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