Nyar nyar mode

I'm having a closer relationship with God these days. For the first time, I became preacher for a day :D I was a bit doubtful of my skills at first but I know God is with me in this. He won't put me in places that I cannot handle. So, yeah, I did a good job!!! :D <3

I've learned so many things from God these days. I think my prayer has already been answered a long long time ago but I was just blinded by my own actions, that I am unable to hear God's words. I've been praying for an answer if I should move on or not. Now, I realize I must...

I love this person so much. I really do. This is Baka-sama, as you know him. I never thought that I be able to have strong feelings for a particular guy. I have been longing for him for these past two years now. God has answered my prayer. At times, the things that we want are not given to us no matter how much we ask or how much we pray for it. It is not because God doesn't want us to be happy, the truth is He WANTS us to be happy. He might not give it to you because of two things:

* That blessing is NOT good for you FOR THE MOMENT.
* That blessing is NOT good FOR YOU AT ALL.

Well, I guess it is just a plain sight to see, that it is not meant to be. But I will forever hold him in my heart. I am touched, though. It's because of the drawing that I gave him. He actually used it as a design on his clear atachi case (whatever you call that thing which you can place your folders and knick knacks.) He placed it there where anyone can see it if he pulls it out. Whatever the reason, it does not matter anymore. I have already decided to follow God's path for me.

It is not friendship I am after but something more in our case. Since I love this person, I know for now I cannot be his friend, I repeat for now... I've taken another section where he is not my lab mate. So, I would see him less (mostly on lecture classes). A very good thing. If he ever finds a new girl I know I would cry but what I really wish is that when he does, I want this attraction, love or whatever you call it, to have faded away. Yes, I wish I no longer have any feelings for him when the time comes.

So guys keep me strong. I know God is beside me (everyone of us, too :D) always. But I also want my friends to be with me on this. For I know the heart is weak and very deceitful, that the line "follow your heart" IS NOT applicable anymore.

Yes... I'll miss him...

I met my personal Yubaba.

Hello TPs and readers of the Tissue Poets' blog! I know I have neither responded nor posted in this blog for quite a while now, and I'm very sorry about that. It's been a bit of a tiring month, especially since it's almost finals week and we're all on the verge of seeking that pill from Limitless. (Speaking of which, I had the book before it was fucking cool! It's called The Dark Fields and it was written by Alan Glynn. Unfortunately, I sort of gave the book away to someone. Oh well whatevs.) Anyway, I hope you guys have been doing well and that you're not yet looking like a zombie like me. So much has happened during the past few weeks, but time is flying by so fast that I feel like I'm riding a winged rhinoceros and it just wants to throw me off its back. Ah, damn you university student problems.

So, Fluttershy, I'm glad to see you posting something more cheerful than usual. Same goes for you, Kleenex. Things seem to be looking up for the three of us, and I hope it stays that way. It's been a depressing first quarter for 2012, hasn't it? I hate saying this because it's such an overused friendship line but we're all in this together so I want you two to know that even if I don't comment on your posts or respond to your text messages I'm still here and that I'm probably not replying because my eyelids have become really heavy and just the struggle to keep on reading is enough to make my energy balloon go ka-boom.

I suppose I should end it here now, I think this is good enough to let you guys know that I'm still alive. I can't stop yawning, and I still have got to wake up at maybe 4 or 5 am tomorrow to revise my paper.

I'm really looking forward to experiencing summer. I am so going to get a tan, so fuck the things that have made me super pale.

As long as you love me :)

I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did as long as you love me :D


SPREADING THE LOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE <3<3<3

LAST DAY

Hey guys,

just dropping by to give you love. Its my last day of exams... And well next week, I'm free as a guy who broke out of jail and rolled around the mud three times. :) I still have to take one exam next week cause I'm a lazy ass like that and because I'm awesomely chill. I got a 2.0 in one of my classes (ehem business research.) It could have been better, but I'm only happy that it wasn't lower. :) I had wished to get a higher grade, I set goals for 1.0s only. I didn't meet it, and I can only blame myself.

Let's do our best guys! This is it. (I sound like I'm graduating.)

Much love,
K, xxx

<3Ps I'm dipping my toes in the lake of politics next semester and I fully expressed my intentions of doing so. :)

Forgotten. Forsaken.

Ignore me. I'm not here. This is just a random graffiti on a wall (in this case cyberspace, but really you get the point right?)

Its been a long time since I last wrote on this wall... On any wall except two social networking sites (i.e, Facebook and Twitter) and sometimes a blog which is all about fashion so I can't really rant there (Tumblr.) I've been on a lot of ups and downs these past few days. I keep saying "I'm so tired I feel like I wanna vomit." and usually I would get the response, "Are you pregnant?" Seriously? If I was to get pregnant I'd have to fvck someone first. Excuse me for my French it just frustrates me when people do that to me. SERIOUSLY?! I mean I get it that one time in high school when I was totally sick and I just kept vomiting and they ruled out food poisoning, I get that they would assume the worst first. (And quite frankly it was a mortifying question yet it was funny in some sense.) But I'm going astray.

There are a lot of ups these past few days, but each up came with its counter part which is down. (Sorry if you got disappointed by that one, but I'm one who believes that everything comes in pairs, i.e, good and evil, black and white, dark and light... you get the point, right?)

UP#1
Photoshoot "Sari" - the fun part about this is that I love photo shoots, it gives me a thrill. There's a certain excitement for me when I get dressed up and dolled up and get photographed. Its amazing for me. Especially if the photographer gets you excited and gives you good feedback. And in this case the photographer looked very happy with the shots (maybe because its his first photo shoot but still his face encouraged me to step up my game.)
DOWN #1
 I lost some of my accessories to this shoot, another downer (which makes it Down #2) I got a mad sun burn. I do know where my accessories went, let's just hope that she gives it back to me for the love of anything and everything that is holy, why does she need to give it back? Cause its not just petty theft. ITS GRAND THEFT. She took a whole bag. So that totally made me down.

UP #2
Our fashion show was a hit, and I had a lot of good feedback from not just the audience but from people that mattered. Like the school director (directress actually) I did not even know she was watching so I was stunned to silence (which rarely happens) when she congratulated me when I walked out of the event. It was a good ego boost and popularity boost for me, which is a good thing cause I'm having insecurity issues (hence the "am I not good enough?" issues I'm having) lately. Suddenly it all got washed away. Its a nice feeling to know that you are appreciated for your worth every once and a while.
DOWN #2 
There were outsiders on the backstage and I felt like I was sabotaged for the first part of the show, this girl stole my PAs and I was dying getting ready all alone in under a minute, I was dead alright. And when I asked her if she already went on (because I go on before her) she said yes, and the director was like "sige ikaw na, go" and then when I went out another model went out, luckily we winged it, which is why I have eternal gratitude for him. (People also like how we managed that situation. :) so I think thats a good sign. We turned something bad into positive vibes. And of course since that was a fashion show, we had to get dressed backstage... the outsiders. My oh my, I'm not sure if they saw anything, but I think they did. So the smiles they gave me after the show, I don't know if it was just for a job well done or if it was for what they saw.

UP #3
This is pretty shallow, guy, ehem (emphasis on him being cute) asking me how I am and telling me I look pretty. Okay, so remember I am having insecurity issues, and when he said that I looked beautiful and then took my picture, I have to admit I was flattered and it really made my day.
  DOWN #3
I still feel bad about the guy who shall not be named. :(

UP#4
Photographing an event, and getting a fan shirt. :D I am not the avid fan girl type, but for the sake of this 3 man band called Lem's guitar, I am willing to go FAN GIRL on them. They just have that awesome vibe to them that makes me go, "happy happy joy joy" carefree and on high. Do you know that feeling? He also gave me a shirt. And he was the one who said let's take a picture together. :) And they're just a group of fun people. You'd love being around them.
DOWN #4
I had to lie and sneak out.  

UP #5
I know I said that I will not get involved in the politics of the school. But I got drafted to run for the organization leaders. Which is awesome cause I get to meet all this people outside of school. People that matter, I hope I reach one of the higher ranks, I don't want to be a secretary or a treasurer (cause money is such a hard thing to handle.)  Another up worthy here is that (let's call her) Ambitious, did not get elected, apparently only her classmates and the first years voted for her she needs more than half to be president. I mean the entire crowd almost went on Juelga, we were already planning her impeachment if she got the benchmark of 50% +1. We are just happy that they decided to let the position be open for next school year. :)
  DOWN #5
I missed going to an event. And I promised I would go. Just for the sake of my personal career advancement. Do you think I made the right choice? Oh well... Nothing to be done now. :(

So there you have it, some of the highlights of my life. I started writing this with a hint of sadness, but remembering those ups suddenly made me happy. I don't even care about the downs. I have dealt with the consequences. Like dad getting upset for me taping Unang Hirit he was scolding me for days. But its all better now.

xxx,
Kleenex 

My Life is Disney.

Copy-paste from my Tumblr:


So this morning, Haku, Weirdo and I decided to have breakfast together at McDonald’s. Every moment I spend with these guys is actually worthy of being documented (speaking of which, remind me to start that ZAG blog soon) but I will document this one because it involved assigning our friends to their Disney Princesses counterparts.

Yep, you read that right.

I can’t really remember how this conversation started. I think it started because I was singing the Healing Incantation song and then I remembered how Postpunk and I talked about this Disney counterpart thing yesterday after we saw the shippy Tumblr post. So anyway, I’ll just skip to the part in which we finally found our friends’ Disney counterparts. If you don’t like your counterpart, then… you don’t like your counterpart. Yep. Cool, isn’t it.

PS

If you’re not in the list please don’t hold it against us, it just means we haven’t thought of your Disney counterpart yet. Sorry. :(

The List:

• Postpunk as Arielle from The Little Mermaid (Teenager with a rebellious personality, loves fish, eternally curious, has boobs lol)
• Mystique as Mulan from Mulan (Chiners, badass, breaks the stereotype, weirdo)
• Persephone as Pocahontas from Pocahontas (loves nature, fights for her advocacies, animals love her)
• Esmeralda (lol I haven't really given her a nickname before so this works) as the Asian version of Esmeralda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Her love of the Romani/bohemian lifestyle, not afraid of going after what she wants, independent—she has other friends, after all.)
• Athene as Belle from Beauty and the Beast (loves books, sacrifices herself too much, loyal, doesn’t judge people)
• Tinuviel as Princess Jasmine from Aladdin (Actually I don’t really know what Jasmine’s personality is like, but Tinuviel likes her so we just assigned her to Jasmine lol.)
• Delirium as… wait for it… Mushu from Mulan and Meg from Hercules (Apparently, Delirium makes a good troll character, so she’s going to be Mushu whilst Angie is Mulan. Cool, isn’t it? She’s also Meg because she gets to sing ‘I won’t say I’m in love’ lol. Besides, we really couldn’t find a Disney Princess who’s similar to her except for—in a way—Meg.)
• Boobs as… oh god this is another one… Ursula from The Little Mermaid (For the record, she’s a much hotter version of Ursula. We couldn’t pick a princess counterpart for her because she doesn’t really act like any of them, but we chose Ursula because she’s such a sexual character and Boobs can pull that off—what’s even better is that Boobs is hot so the sexual musical scene will be super effective. 8D)
• Me as Rapunzel from Tangled (Haku says that apparently I am Rapunzel lol. Let’s see: eternally curious teenager, dabbles into a lot of things due to boredom with a sheltered life, had long blonde hair which is now short and dark brown, bipolar, a girly tomboy if that makes sense, plus getting to hit Haku with a frying pan will be cool.)

This is seriously making me consider changing my nickname to Rapunzel, but then I'd have to edit a lot of posts lol so nevermind. Forever a Chihiro. 8D

A Letter of Gratitude

This is for you who put up with my selfishness, for you who didn't judge me even when I was at my worst.

You know how to put up with me at my worst, so you deserve me at my best.

I can't promise you that I can change overnight, but though I'm still evil to the rest of the world I want to be a good friend to you.

You deserve respect, and due to my selfishness I probably didn't give you that, but please do remember that I can only see you with admiration. It is no easy feat to handle a child, after all. Especially an evil one who's got self-destructive tendencies.

Thank you. All of you deserve more than a thank you, but for now that's all I can give.

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