A Kiss

When I was younger (but not toddler young, sometime when I was in highschool) kisses all had their meaning. If he kissed you on the cheek, or on the hand, or on the shoulder; it all had a meaning. At that time kisses on the forehead meant that he would take care of you or he cares deeply about you. Something like that. (short explanation he cares and he would continue to care until whenever, the meanings didnt exactly specify the time span.)


The last kiss we shared ( I would have said our last kiss but it just didn't seem appropriate at the moment) was a one way kiss on my forehead and him walking away. I remember the way it exactly happened. I brushed off meeting my friend just so I can rush back to him and when I got there, BAAAAM!!! All sorts of excuses and pulling me to this direction and pulling me to that direction and suggesting we go to this cheapskate hotel-ish place (although I know that its substandard and dirty and prolly houses cockroaches.) and suggesting we do this and that here and there. Well let me tell you something, I may come off as a wild child fire-breathing-spoiled-brat-cold-heartless-ruthless-independent-beautiful-bitch but I am a good girl. I say no to motels, one cause I still believe that I'm not the type of girl you sneak into a motel with and walk out with your head down, I prefer you come in and leave with your head held high, and seriously you can not do that if you walk into a hotel (somebody support this sister out.) Secondly, I am not one you hide from people and ask to do something a cheap bimbo would do, that is above my intellectual quotient. You really think I'd be your own private slut? Why the hell did I study college for? Why the heck am I still part of a reputable family who guards their pride? Seriously?!

It will keep playing over and over in my head. How he kissed my head, and how I wanted to believe that he "cares" and would "continue to care until whenever", and how he walked away, and how I whispered good bye, and how he didn't look back, and how he walked into a room ( I don't know where it leads but he did ask me to go in there with him and "do stuff"), how I stood there and watched him walk away, how I stood there and waited. How I just stood there and he never came back. Never said good bye. A kiss that lacked passion. A kiss. An ordinary kiss not worthy for a lover, a sister, a friend. A kiss not even worthy for an enemy. It was just tissues touching tissues. His to mine. It ended there. Whether I admit it or not. Kisses never lie.

Kleenex

Ps
*Those were doodled while I was at school and getting bored at lecture... Thats the tattoo I wanna get. What do you think?

Edited and removed the doodles*

One must not simply provoke me...

Thursday last week I lost my cool on my anatomy professor... We call our profs as DOCs now since, we are full-fledged doctors after graduation. I know Doc Coffee means well but then again he was doing it in a disrespectful and provoking manner. It was not encouraging, he was already terrorizing my ego. He always picked on me!!! It's like I have a spotlight on me. By far, even my classmates noticed it. He kept bombarding me with questions. Though you answer the first correctly he'll follow it up with another question 'til you get it wrong.


He thinks I'm always there at the back during lab class but NOOO!!! He just notices me when I'm in the back!!! When I'm in front he says he doesn't remember I was there but excuse me, you freaking asked me a question that day!?! Mother of oldness! Why can't he leave me alone!?


So during lab class he kept asking me and my classmates. He scolded by not listening when he's talking and other complaints (which actually complaints he made by his own actions that we are just stating.) As usual, he kept picking on me!?! So on the last question he didn't hear me well but it was correct. I was thinking just to make my voice louder but when he stated that he'll kick me off class I was like "WHAT THE HELL!?!" So, I shouted my answer at him. I was already pissed off!?! My Gosh there were far more students that are worse than me and from all the others he kept picking on me!?! My classmates said because I was shy and quiet all the time and that when I do things I will just have the same reaction.

Even so, what the hell is Doc Coffee's problem!?!

I always attend his classes, take down notes and try to listen (most of us are already in lala land). I actually am in a neutral state with him. I neither like him nor hate him as a professor. I find him even funny and cool at times but after provoking me it changed!!! My gosh never have I got angry with a professor and an old man at that!?!

Something That Will Make You Happy

So I had a certain Estrella give me happy songs here's a song called Merry Happy. Its not exactly those ecstatic emitting vibe songs. But it will make you listen to it over and over and sing it over and over and play it over and over. Kate Nash's songs are brilliant. Not too mention she's English and I know how you all love that accent. :D

So I'm leaving you with three (3) songs, Merry Happy, soemthing upbeat. Nicest Things, something every girl would wish for. And Pumpkin Soup, just cause the title reads that. :D

Have a great week guys,
Kleenex loves you. :)

P.S
I might start doing this every Monday. Look for untapped not so popular artists and put them here.

The Month of Revelations: The Complete Version

"Furthermore, it goes without saying that all of the people, living, dead and otherwise in this story are fictional or used in a fictional context. Only the gods are real."

-Neil Gaiman, American Gods

After a long spiritual hiatus, I finally feel like praying. Guess what I want to pray about. See this post if you need clues.

I find it funny because this month, another friend of mine is also going through the same thing. I've mentioned him in this blog before as Kamen Rider. Anyway, before January 2012 he is what you would call a 'Devout Atheist' (Epithet courtesy of either Weirdo or Poison Ivy—I honestly can't remember). This would've gone on if it weren't for something that happened this month, along with many other realisations/epiphanies. Looking back, when I first heard him talk about how he's becoming a Christian, I was actually quite 'meh okay whatever' about it. I suppose it's because my faith hasn't really been present lately. Maybe it was there, but it was probably in the backstage trying to fix broken props or something of the sort. Whatever. The point is that I was passive about faith. And I was also quite sceptical of it in my own way. But what I didn't realise was that I've been passively seeking faith all this time—and it was so passive it had to take something this huge for me to realise that I need it.

I actually envy my friends who are very spiritual in their own ways. I envy Mystique for managing to have at least a grasp of how to mix Catholicism with the occult. I envy Athene for her strong faith in God despite the problems she's been going through lately. I envy Pretty Girl and Haku for being stable practitioners. I envy Poison Ivy and Frodo for their ability to be spiritual despite having a totally different take on how God is like.

Maybe this is why I always have the Goth girl reputation everywhere I go. People always go like, 'She doesn't believe in God!' LOL You all sound like misconception gamer girl, bitches. And don't ask about misconception gamer girl, it's a long story.

Anyway, the point of what I'm trying to say is that for once, something was enough to trigger my belief in God and spirituality. I want to hold on so much that I'm actually turning to a Higher Power just so He/She could help me. Don't get me wrong, though. I am not turning to religion, or to any other organised thing that talks about a Higher Power and His/Her set of rules. I still don't believe anyone can define who or what the Higher Power is, because He/She is beyond all things we can perceive and conceive in this world. The Higher Power is the universe, and yet He/She is also beyond the universe. And that to try to name and define Him/Her is limiting, so I do not want to do that.

I want to be at one with the Higher Power. I want to spread out my arms and call out, 'I am here. I am a part of you, just as how I have a spark of you in me. Please listen to what I want to say.'

Perhaps, one of these days, I'll find a place where I can actually try to be at one with the Higher Power for the moment. Persephone, a friend of mine who's highly into spirituality, invited me to go with her to her province tomorrow for a talk a famous parapsychologist will have on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to learning more from that talk, along with spending time with Persephone and Weirdo and getting to know a place I'm not exactly familiar with. On Saturday, I will be going to a retreat with Mystique, Kamen Rider and Trench to be held at a place near mine. I can't wait to spend time with them in a place where pressure isn't polluting the atmosphere. I'd definitely love to use the time to actually meditate and/or pray with three of my favourite people in the world.

Like Sappho, I pray to Aphrodite. Besides, Sappho would probably be proud of me. It was a 'lesbian relationship', after all.

Here's an Ego-Boost for Ya'll

People of certain kinds do stick together, just like animals. You don't see a hyena in a crowd of lions.Neither do you see a clown fish with a shark (except in Finding Nemo.) In relation Awesome people don't mix with not-so-awesome people (no judgement there). Smart ones don't mix with the norm.

How can I say these? Aside from the obvious that all of us are AWESOME, there's the youtube faves to set as examples... Ryan Higa is actually friends with David Choi. Michelle Phan is actually friends with the "dope" person make-up artist whose name I can't remember...

I also tried dipping myself in a different crowd. And I was not very happy. There are a few awesome people in this wold. Let's celebrate the fact that we are, and that we found each other.

Be happy. We're all still so blessed.

A Realisation.

An excerpt from a YM conversation between me and Mystique:

Me: i had so much hope for us.
Mystique: is perfectly normal
Mystique: and there still is
Mystique: you know better than that
Mystique: this isn't a test
Mystique: it's how you deal with eachother knowing more about eachother that will be the real test
Mystique: you don't know everything you need to know yet
Mystique: and neither does he
Mystique: do yourself a favour and don't make conclusions for yourself
Mystique: be self aware
Mystique: remember
Mystique: everything is all in your head
Mystique: you need to figure out what you truly feel and want before making any assumptions about the future
Mystique: i feel like i'm talking to myself
Mystique: lol
Me: i have an idea
Me: despite this rage needing to express itself in me,
Me: my feelings actually seem to be clearer
Me: i wouldn't be this distraught if i didn't care, and if i didn't want us to hold on
Me: and that i'm just really hurt about what happened, and that it's the feeling of me being perpetually alone resurfacing all over again
Me: so, i'll be honest and tell both you and myself that i love that fucker, but at the same time i don't like this feeling of how my feelings are being neglected
Me: how he doesn't show what he tells me
Me: and that all i want is for {haku} to actually show that he means what he says
Me: to grow a pair
Me: but then again, i don't want to demand that change. i want him to change for himself, not me.
Mystique: that was perfectly executed
Mystique: bravo

I guess this is pretty much self-explanatory.

Adding this because LOL:

Me: by the way
Me: slightly embarrassing explanation to what you're about to see
Me: in this blog, i call myself chihiro mainly because whilst watching spirited away i could relate with how chihiro feared practically everything
Me: and i talked to {haku} about it. he said, well if i need to fly or something of the sort (can't remember the exact words) then i could just give him a call, 'cause he's a dragon after all. so yeah, he assigned himself as haku.
Me: which is why in the blog, i call him haku.
Me: urgh okay embarrassing moving on~
Mystique: that's so cute
Mystique: =))
Mystique: okay
Mystique: now we can move on

Doodles

Shoe sketches...